What Your In-Laws Are Really Thinking
When it comes to a majority of weddings, the groom’s family is probably on the sidelines –waiting for direction, afraid to weigh in on the details. Yet, they are more than second-string players, and although they may keep their mouths shut, chances are they do have a few things to say about what’s going on. So we polled the parents and siblings of recent grooms and asked them to share what bugged them about the bride during the wedding planning. The truth may hurt, but if you want to start off on the right foot with your new family, keep reading.
Ask Our Opinion… Even if You Don’t Take It
It’s our son’s big day too, and we’d like to be involved in the planning. When you move full speed ahead without any regard for what we think, it makes us feel left out, as though we don’t matter as much as your family. Or, that you just really don’t want our opinion. When you can, try to remember to include us in some of the decision making, even if it’s just to ask if we think there needs to be a salad course or a flower arrangement in the ladies’ room.
Talk to Us About the Costs Beforehand
In all the excitement of your engagement, we probably promised a lot of things, agreeing to work out the details later. Rehearsal dinner? Suuuure. Flowers for the bridal party? You got it. Even so, don’t just spring a bill on us two weeks before the event. Although we may be wedding regulars, we don’t necessarily know what things cost. Before booking anything, let us know what the expenses will be so we can plan accordingly, or explain why we won’t be spending the dough.
Don’t Rain On Our Parade
We’ve all heard the horror stories of bridezillas who believe that life begins and ends on their wedding day –and we’re so relieved that you’re not one of those. That being said, acting like your wedding is “so not a big deal” is kind of a buzzkill for us. Sure, you might be a laid-back bride, and that’s refreshing, but we want to talk about the wedding, get psyched up for it and, believe it or not, fawn over you. So rather than roll your eyes, indulge us in our excitement.
Give Us A Role – Any Role
It’s tricky being a sister of the groom–our brother may feel funny about making us groomswomen, and being bridesmaids might be a little too close for comfort when you get prewedding jitters. But hoping that we blend into the background isn’t going to work either. We’re not just any other guests, so recognise that by having us hand out programs or do a reading at the ceremony–anything! After all, remember that we’re going to be sisters for better or worse!
Back Off the Bucks Party
Steakhouses, some scotch, a strip club–if it’s what our brother requested, then it’s what we’d like him to get. Please don’t call us to complain about what we may or may not be doing on his big night out. Not only does it ruin our good time and good intentions, but it also puts us in between you two–a position we don’t want to be in. The wedding is your thing; this is ours. Let us plan the bucks party we know our brother wants. And if you do have concerns, then take them up with him.
Include Us In the Girly Stuff
Brides have showers and dress shopping and hair trials; grooms maybe get fitted for a tux. As a result, we mothers of sons wind up feeling like we’re missing out on all the fun. While we understand that you want to save certain special moments for your mother, sisters and bridesmaids, it would mean the world to us to be included in some girl fun, whether it’s tagging along to do some preliminary registering, being there for a dress fitting, looking at jewellery or helping you pick out the stationery suite.
We Care About the Details
Before you get all caught up in the day-of details, don’t forget that we care about the specifics too. It would be nice if you asked us to help out when it came to seating our tables at the reception (you might not know about behind-the-scenes scandals of our longtime friends), sought out our opinion about which family members we’d like to take pictures with and gave us a choice about who escorts us down the aisle.
Say Thank You
Even if your parents are paying for the whole shebang, there are other ways in which we’re contributing to your wedding, like giving you two love and guidance along the way. You don’t have to toast your “amazing new in-laws,” but a simple “Thank you for everything, but mostly, thank you for your son” will do–it’s making us teary just thinking about it.