Knotties Tell All: Is Honesty Always the Best Policy?

Our Diary Of A Bridesmaid writer, Alisa, receives a text from the bride: “Yellow or coral?”, and isn’t that keen on either. If your bride chooses an unconventional colour for your bridesmaid dresses and you’re not a fan, do you tell her?

We asked Knotties on our Facebook page and here is what they had to say…

I did! My sister was going to choose yellow and I’m so pale – I’d look ridiculous! –Sarah-Jayn 

My girls told me so I considered their feelings, changed the colour (it’s still in the theme just not the main part and not the dress colour) and now we are all happy with the result. I’m not unhappy at all. –Rebecca

I say yes, tell her. You are wearing it! If I chose a colour and my bridesmaids didn’t like it then I would want them to tell me right away! There is guaranteed to be another colour that fits without changing the whole theme of the wedding. –Sarah

I chose hot pink because our wedding colours and pink and white, my bridesmaid wasn’t a fan and preferred black but because of our fun summer wedding the initial black wouldn’t have fit with the overall feel of the wedding. I let her choose the style she wanted though and when she got the dress in the end she was really happy with it!! –Valerie

Suck it up I say. When it’s your turn you can pick whatever you like until then just be happy for the bride and thankful you were asked to share in such a special day. –Emma

Knot Note: 11 Knotties agreed with Emma!

I’m with Emma, it’s the brides wedding not yours if she wants you to wear lime green you wear it, your day will come and not everyone is necessarily going to like it either. Suck it up. –Maddison

No, it’s never ok. They can give me their opinions, but, at the end of the day, it’s my wedding, not theirs, and, if I was ever their bridesmaid, I would give them the same respect of wearing what they want for their day. –Skye

I am both a bride and a bridesmaid so I understand both situations. I think it is OK to give your opinion so long as you do it in a respectful way. You can’t just say “I hate that, I’m not wearing it”. As a bride I want my bridesmaids to be happy but at the same time I want my desires to be the top priority. Helpful hints and constructive criticism such as “I think this dress is more flattering in comparison to that one” and “I feel more comfortable in this” are good choices of words. I know from being a bridesmaid I am comfortable giving my opinion in this way but I also say to the bride that it is ultimately your decision. –Lauren

As her photographer and a trusted ally, I would mention how the consideration of that particular colour would affect the photographs, the skin tones of the bridesmaids, and whether or not a particular style would flatter their figures. Ultimately the decision is theirs, but my clients expect a certain level of expertise from me as a professional, and I’d be blamed for the outcome of the photographs if, for example, the colours were so bad they resulted in bad photographs. The bride wouldn’t think ‘oh, my, that was a bad colour choice after all!’, she’d think ‘oh, I made the wrong choice, my photographer isn’t as good as I thought she was’. So I have a duty of care to my client to give her my professional opinion based on years of expert training and experience. –Anastasia’s Photography

I think you should be able to be honest with the bride, particularly if you are paying for the dress. You are obviously close with her so it shouldnt be a negative thing. It’s all about using tact. Don’t outright tell her you hate it and refuse to wear it etc. Instead say its a lively choice but not sure if it’s a colour you can wear. After all, a bride should still want her closest ladies to be comfortable on her big day! –Rebecca

If the bridesmaid is having to purchase their dresses themselves, then in my opinion I think they should have some sort of say in the colour/style. If the bride is purchasing, well they have less of a say then. But I think in today culture, bridesmaides mainly purchase for themselves. -Di

What do you think? Should the bridal party hold their tongues when it comes to what they’re wearing on your wedding day?