Telling People I’ve Kept My Name?
Question: My husband and I tied the knot in July. I did not change my name because I disagree with that tradition. My birthday was last week, and I received several cards addressed to "Mrs. Smith" (my husband's last name). How do I politely let these people know I haven't changed my name? I sent thank you notes with my last name in CAPS on the envelope, but some people just did't get the hint. I'm about to scream! What should I do, short of returning future mail with the incorrect last name circled and "No Such Person" written across the envelope?
Answer: by The Knot
First of all, you need to be more patient with people. Even though many women today do keep their own names after marriage, people’s brains are still in traditional mode, and they just assume. It sounds like you made an effort with your thank you notes to let them know you’re retaining your name, but it may take a while for people to get it. You don’t need to tell the people who sent you cards that they got your name wrong unless it comes up naturally in conversation. Simply keep using your own name when you send birthday cards and the like, and point out politely that you’ve kept your name when it’s appropriate. Your frustration is understandable, but as long as you, your immediate family and closest friends, your employer, and the Australian Taxation Office know, you can rest assured that everyone else will catch on in time.
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Comments (2)
Sally
I found it irritating at first as well but now (5 years later) when I receive a card addressed like that, it doesn’t bother me. Most people don’t mean anything by it, they just don’t live in a world where traditions are broken. I’d try not to let it bother you.
Meg_mc
Your frustration is obvious – and perhaps rightly so : for many women the decision about whether or not to change your name after getting married is something that they put serious thought and consideration into, I understand that it’s irritating when people are thoughtLESS! My pet peeve is when things are addressed to ‘Mr and Mrs John Smith’ – yes, after much deliberation I decided to take my husband’s surname as my family name, however I still have my own identity and we are not the same person! If I were you I would make a point of mentioning it to people, they’ll get it eventually.