Should I cancel my bridal shower if I’m eloping?
Question: My fiancé and I have been planning our wedding for December 19 of this year. Just this week we have decided to elope on November 21. My maid of honour has already sent out invites for my bridal shower on November 5. Is it appropriate to cancel it? Or should I go through with it and not tell anyone that we are eloping in two weeks?
Answer: by The Knot
For some couples eloping can appeal more and more as the wedding day approaches. Particularly at times when you are also both stressed with work, have gone way over your agreed budget or have meddling relatives. Such elements can make the wedding planning start to feel more like an added burden in life than a joyful celebration of love. While the majority of those couples do end up being happier that they stuck with their original plan and didn’t jump on a plane till they were jetting off for the honeymoon, there are a handful of people who decide it’s all too much and they would prefer to elope.
So if both you and your fiancé have come to the conclusion that you will be happier starting your marriage this way, and you have carefully considered all your closest relatives, friends not to mention any formal contracts you may have already entered into, I am sure eloping will be lots of fun for you both. But you might want to do a few things to soften the blow for those who truly do want to be a part of the big day.
One of the biggest risks in deciding to elope once you’ve already announced your engagement, asked people to be a part of the bridal party, and possibly sent out save the dates etc, is that you might upset some of your nearest and dearest. People tend to become involved in your wedding in an emotional way, as they think about taking part and being present when you make your vows to one another. Not to mention those looking forward to partying well into the evening once you’ve said your ‘I do’s’.
So firstly yes I would go ahead and have the bridal shower. Your maid of honour has gone to the trouble of planning and sending out the invites so it would be rude to brush her off. And while you certainly don’t have to announce you are eloping you can indicate that you have decided to have a non-traditional wedding so guests are aware they won’t need to be available for a full day on December 19th.
I would then have some kind of an event on or near the date of your original wedding (perhaps a seated dinner if finances allow – even a barbeque or picnic in the park if you want to keep it really low key) and do send the invites out to this as soon as possible, though make it clear on these that it’s not a traditional wedding celebration that guests are coming to – this way you can indicate that gifts are not necessary (I am sure many guests will opt to give them to you anyway). This then allows you to choose the traditions that you would like to include, create new ones that suit you, your fiancé and the circumstances. If you have entered into contracts with suppliers you could also negotiate to have them involved in some way too.
It would be lovely to then announce at this wedding celebration event that you couldn’t wait any longer so decided to elope a little earlier and even share images of the ceremony and anecdotes with your guests to share the experience with them.
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