Guests & the bridal party

Hey Brides to be, 
 
I have picked my 3 bridesmaids wish My Fiancée had 4 on his side as I wanted 4. But that’s not my iseeue. 
 
Two of my bridesmaids are over the moon and happy for me. They talk wedding talk all the time and we chat about the hens and everything. 
 
But my 3rd bridesmaid I have not even heard from here she just lives around the corner but her phone is cut off so I try and call and I’m never sure is she is At work or uni. I have to Facebook her wtf. I have wanted her to come try dresses and just come chat but can not get ahold of her. 
 
What do I do? We have been friends for 15 years. But she is the type of person that is lazy and won’t contribute at all. 
 
My friends can’t even get a hold of her just to sussex out hens night and budget. 
 
Xxxxx

I think you need to slow down! You have over 12 months, especially if your other post is correct. It’s one thing to be organised for the things you want but expecting your BM’s to be ready now, let her be for 6 – 9 months, you have plenty of time to organise a dress. Also, none of your BM’s have to plan a party for you, if the other want too, great, if this BM doesn’t, she doesn’t have too. Don’t go kicking her out of your BP just because you think she has to do all this stuff for oyu, or you might find you ruin your friendship.
Just taske a break from the wedding, enjoy being engaged and stop talking about the wedding, you might find that she is just not excited for your wedding this far in advance, plus, think about what it will be like three months out from your wedding and all you have done for the past 12 months is talk wedding all the time, no one will be excited for anything because you have talked it all out…just take a breather, wedding stuff will be there in a few months time.

What if it comes to 6 or 3 months time and still nothing? This will happen and we all know it. Just wish I did not rush in asking. But oh well. I love to be organized and I’m even getting hassled from my other bridesmaid as she is over the moon and talking to me about the wedding and looking at dresses already. My other bm is fine as he is a guy and just needs a suit. 

As harsh as this may sound, no body is going to care about your wedding as much as you and your FI will, the only thing a BM is required to do, is wear a dress and show up relatively sober and pose for your pictures. Anything else is icing on the cake. You asked your friend to be a BM for a reason, you care about her, so put the wedding aside for a little while and be a friend, maybe she is going through something at the moment.
It’s ok to be organised, it’s even ok to know what you are looking for, but to expect someone else to work on your timeframe, especially this far out, is a little bit much. I get that your MOH is excited, but it is way to early to be organising Hen’s Nights or showers and even dresses. Maybe just keep the wedding talk betwen you, your FI and your MOH at this stage. 
 
 

Your bridesmaids should be the ladies in your life who can help you the most with your wedding.
She may have her reasons for being absent.  She might be stressed, Uni might be taking it’s toll, or busy or just un-interested.  Just because she is your friend of 15 years doesnt make her a good bridesmaid automatically.
I wont be asking my best friend to be my bridesmaid, she has 3 children and is struggling as it is without me putting my wedding stuff onto her.
Or your friend may have a problem with listening to “wedding stuff”  I had a friend who I couldn’t listen to when she was talking about getting married, all she ever went on about was what sort of presents she would get for her engagement party and then the wedding also.  She also went on about who has how much money, and what they could expect to receive from them as a gift.  I thought it was rude.  When she asked me to be her bridesmaid I had to decline.  Plus it was a Destination Wedding, we were saving for a house and just could not afford it. 
I’m not saying that your friend is annoyed at you, but she may have her reasons for being distant.  Just chat to her openly, and calmly.  You never know what might be under the surface.
Good luck!

Sorry Delilah, but this ‘Your bridesmaids should be the ladies in your life who can help you the most with your wedding.’ is incorrect, your Bridesmiads should be the people you are closet too in your life, asking them to be a Bridesmiad is not about what they can do for you. Your friends are not props for you to shuffle around as you see fit, I would hope you have asked them because you care about them and can’t imagine your big day without them.
A bridesmaids duty begins and ends on the day of your wedding, like I said before, anything else they do is icing on the cake, you don’t select bridesmaids on the basis of whether they will tie ribbons, throw you a huge shower, or anything else.
The thing I don’t understand about brides today is this whole entitlement issue, just because you are a bride, it does not give you license to treat your friends like crap, your weding is one day, your friendships, just llike your marriage, is a lifetime. 
You have asked your friend to be a bridesmaid, you cannot change this now, it is a friendship ending move, I would hope that since oyu have been friends for 15 years, this would mean more to you than one day! LEave your friend be for now, like I said before, if 3 – 6 months before the wedding, she still seems unenthusiastic, talk to her about non-wedding related things, see if anything is bugging her. IF by your wedding day she has not purchased her dress, she has taken herself out of the wedding but you cannot kick her out or ask her to step down, that is beyond rude.
I will agree Delilah, that your friend expecting gifts and cash is tacky and you were correct to decline being a Bridesmaid.

I agree with MissLynda
I chose my BMs based on who I want to be standing next to me on the day. My sister is busy working and about to start uni so is absent for a lot of the planning but I would die if she wasn’t beside me on the day. My FSIL has 2 young children and is often unable to attend things too, as she is still breastfeeding and has to balance her life, but we get along amazingly, I couldn’t not have her either. My other 2 are my friends and there to listen and do what needs doing when they can, but one just got married and is now pregnant, and said if I feel a need to kick her out because she’ll be breast feeding on my wedding and quite useless for the few months beforehand I could, but there is no way I would! The other is a mind reader, and totally on the same wave length as me, enthusiastic and will do anything and everything. 
But even if none of them did ANYTHING I still wouldn’t change who was next to me on the day!