Bothered brides

My step mum and my dad are going through a divorce at the moment. She was the one to raise me, as my mum left when i was only 18 months old. I owe all that I am to my step mum, she’s been the one I turn to whenever I need anything, therefore she will be the mother of the bride.

My problem is, how do I accommodate them both? 
I really want my dad to walk me down the aisle, and my step mum and my dad have 2 little kids together, my brother and sister, who will be a flowergirl and pageboy.

As we are having a cocktail reception, I’m not sure the best way to get around this, and as I know my dad is stubborn like me, I’m worried he may decline as he won’t want to be around her. I don’t know what to do. 

Hi Krystal

I am going through a similar situation, my mum is going through her 3rd divorce and my parents hate each other. I have found there is no easy way to accommodate them, it is hard and very stressful. I would much rather elope.

I have done my best as far as seating them as far away from each other as possible and putting a “team” of neutrals in between. I am now in a position where my mother has said she isnt even coming to my wedding, but I know she is just frustrated. At the end of the day Krystal, the day is about you and your husband. I have employed my maid of honour to difuse any potential guest wars on the day and Im having a no bullshit policy. If anything starts they are out.

Do what makes you happy, if they cant see that, then they arent worth having there

You have to hope that they act like the adults that they are. Honestly only the most selfish of parents would not show up for their own childs wedding on account of the guest list!

If he declines then he isn’t a very good father and if he threatens it just say that step mum is invited and if it is going to be an issue for them they need to sort it out. And mention how sad you will be if both of them are not their on the day.

Good luck

Arg this sucks. Is it amicable? Are they able to be in the same room? Can you just explain to Dad that this is THE most important day of your life so can he please just be open and fake it for one day? 

My future in-laws divorced about the same time we became engaged, and FMIL became a lot more distanced from the family (she had a new Boyf so was I guess getting to know him and getting used to their life so didn’t have heaps of time for the rest of us!). However I know that FMIL and FFIL are able to be in the same room without getting narky, although I think it hurts FFIL a bit when the boyf is around (and I love him to bits, he’s awesome. I’m enjoying playing matchmaker!) 

It’s just such a horrible situation. It literally only happened a few days ago, I called my step mum to say happy mothers day, and asked how she was, and that’s when she told me.. 

I’m just lost as to what to do. I fully understand that what they’re going through, must be hard, but at the same time, if I don’t have them both there, it won’t feel the same. My step mum said she’d be there no matter what, but I know my dad, he’s EXACTLY like me. We’re both really stubborn, and take things to heart. 

I know they’re hurting, so haven’t been able to broach the subject, and don’t want to seem selfish by making it about me, while they’re going through such a hard time, with two little kids.

I just don’t know what to do..

How long til the wedding KL? 

Our wedding is the first of September this year..

Invite them both and try to find ways to accommodate them, ie seating far away etc. They are both adults and after all love you dearly so I can’t really imagine that they would do anything to ruin your big day. Just to be safe though, have someone they are both very close to on each of their tables to diffuse any tension that may start to simmer. 
 

Surely your Dad wouldn’t be so stubborn as to refuse to attend your wedding celebrations. It’s a big day! If he feels that way, just reassure him. The great thing about cocktail events is that nobody HAS to ingle with anyone they don’t want to!

I went home for a visit (I live in Sydney, and home is the Whitsundays) and things seem ok. Dad and I were talking about the father daughter dance, so I believe he may be coming around. I understand that a lot was up in the air, with them being together for 21 years, yet not certain of their future, I’m just glad that they are talking, and working through their issues. All divorce talk has been put on hold, and they are trying to work things out. It makes me happy, as I love them both dearly, and couldn’t imagine the day without them