Bothered brides

Hi Everyone, Well i am pretty much planning my wedding at the moment on my own. My fiance is working this year interstate and all of my girlfriends have either just gotten married themselves or are in the process of having babies – which is fantastic – but no one is really available to help me out except for my partner over the phone. I dont have any family – they are all deceased and while my fiance’s parents are lovely, i feel awkward asking them for help. Am wondering if perhaps we should just elope in Hawaii as we will be going on a honeymoon there anyway. Any thoughts?

Hi Tori

The question is do you really want to elope? We thought about eloping to Vegas but realised that we actually wanted our family and friends at the wedding so we are having a destination wedding to Vegas instead. We know not everyone we want will be able to make it but the people we really wanted liked our parents/siblings will be there. We also put off getting married for an extra year to make the $$ burden easier on us and guests.

If you like the idea of Hawaii why not have a wedding there? A couple of the girls on here have done that and are great with advice.

Or to take the stress out, why not get married at the registry office and have a restaurant reception. You could keep the numbers small that way which can be less stressful.

Good Luck and the girls on here are great to throw ideas out to and will gladly give out advice and suggestions.

Hi j_jaye

Thanks for your reply Well we dont really want to elope as we wanted our friends and family there to celbrate the day. We are just really quite shocked at the lack of support – everyone initially was saying the would help out and were really excited and now a few weeks into the engagement everyone is too busy to help with anything – even if i offer to pick them up and buy them lunch. We know everyone will show up to our wedding but i guess we are wondering about quality of our relationships with family and friends given the lack of interest and support. We are just so disappointed.

I feel for you. I’m having the same issues as I had a major falling out with whom was suppose to be my MOH and now I’m having to do it on my own.

Get a book and list everything you need to do. Its dishearting but at least its your day your way. Goodluck

If having a wedding is something that you really want to do, then don’t elope just because it seems easier. While it would be easier if you had help with the planning, maybe you can time some of the planning in such a way that when you need help, help will be available. For instance, your close friends may be busy with other things an unavailable to help you with wedding things every week, but might be keen to get together for a day on a weekend once in awhile to do planning things with you.

As I said in another post today the best piece of wedding advice I ever received was that no one will be as excited about your wedding as you.

No one is obliged to help out…it is your wedding. It sucks that you don’t have any family support as they would be the people that would normally be more involved in your wedding planning. Friends have lives of their own which rightly are their first priority.

Have you thought about paying a wedding planner? Or even having a 1 on 1 with you Future Mother In Law (FMIL)? She may be really excited about helping you plan your wedding…especially of she does not have any daughters. She may feel like she can not ask for fear of coming across as pushy. Let her know how much it would mean to you to have her help you since your own mother sadly is not with you. Your FMIL may be very touched and might make your relationship closer and whilst she will never replace your mum wouldn’t it be nice to have someone you look upon as a mum especially if planning kids int he future.

if you want to elope in hawaii then do it, but if its not what you really want to then dont! im planning a wedding on my own but thats because my FH isnt really into it at all, im a huge optimist and look for the silver lining with everything, the way i see it without anyones input they cant discourage anything and i get whatever i want, i dont know if you will find the same thing but alot of women on here will agree that once you start telling people your wedding ideas everyone feels they need to give their opinion even when its not wanted! so maybe its not such a bad thing but at the same time its nice to have the support, how about your FH bestman or even start a blog?

Hi Tori,

We also thought about eloping but I would have felt guilty for not giving my family and friends the chance to share this special day with me. My partner is not really into the planning, he does given help when I ask though. I did some research on the internet to find ‘to do’ lists and other misc things. I then just created an excel spreadsheet and went through and marked things off as I had done them and also added in $, so I knew how much I had paid and what was left. Kikki K also have a really good, cheap wedding planning diary which I used in the beginning. 

Even if she does not want to contribute, you should still ask FMIL, I am sure she would love to help you. My FMIL was told by her husband not to interfere so she is too afraid to contribute. 

Hope this helps

Leah