Planning & etiquette

just wondering if there is many people not inviting a family member and why? my FH recently decided he doesnt want his father at our wedding, they had a falling out a few months ago but my FH say’s he still would have done it (FH father is an alcoholic and makes a fool of himself alot, not to mention make others feel uncomfortable) so just wondering if theres any one else out there in the same boat?

Hi Viv

I feel you! We decided to have a destination wedding to ensure that we did not have to have certain family members there from both sides for similar reasons! They are still getting an invitation (as it is polite) but we know that they will not be able to afford the trip unless they win the lotto!(we are screwed if this happens!). Everyone important to us will be there so that is what matters.

I think it is really hard not to invite family when having a wedding at home without a really good reason that you can back up (I don’t think not liking someone is reason enough when it comes to family….not liking someone because they did something major {and I don’t mean stole your xmas present as kid! I mean broke the law or have an addiction that could cause a problem at the wedding} is different!).

I understand where my FH is coming from the falling out was because his dad stole $400 off my FH but it was kinda like the straw that broke the camles back, previously his gotten drunk befor and threatened my SIL who is also a good friend and a BM, (his done this to me to, but it wasnt such a big deal because i just ignored him but his physically threatened my SIL) we all feel uncomfortable around him, he comes to stay at our house and picks on my 3 year old son, the last time he was here he put my son on a ladder near the top of the roof, and walked away, but held me back so i couldnt get him, all the while my son is crying and my FIL thought it was fun and he was trying to teach my son not to be scared, all this probly happens because he starts drinking at 8am, but to my FH there has been alot of previous crap aswell, and i suppose when my FH became a father he thought he would give his dad a second chance to fix things as a grandfather but that failed miserably so FH wants to give up and cut his dad out of his life, i just think its unfortunate timing (to be abit selfish) because everyone knows im organising the invites and i dont want to be the one concidered cutting him out

Wow Viv that is horrible! I wouldn’t have this man in my house let alone at my wedding. I would fully support my FH if I was in the same situation. Given that he has a drinking problem and had physically threatened people and endangered someone (your son) I would definately not invite him to your wedding. Given the amount of alcohol consumed at a wedding it would be far too risky. It may however be the kick up the bum that he needs to sort out his life! I could not imagine what it would feel like to be not invited to my childs wedding!

I would also stop all visits with the grandkids 9present or future) until he gets well!

honestly i dont think theres anything thats going to push him to get his life together, he already lives with his mum because his money goes on booze, he doesnt drive because he would rather drink and got done for DUI 10 years ago and has just decided its to risky so he’ll just not drive, his lost his son because we dont want to talk to him, his drinking is also why my MIL left him, he had an accident about 3 years ago, drunk riding a motorbike and crashed into a tree, nearly had to get his leg amputated because they couldnt do surgery until he stopped drinking which he refused so they had to get security to watch him everytime he left the ward, after all this if you are still determined to drink, i highly doubt a wedding will change his mind.

i support my FH in everyway except i dont know how to handle the rest of his family, most of them support my FIL, especially since 3/4 of his brothers and sisters are alcoholics too

Oh hun, thats simply horrible. I really feel for you and your family. The best way is to simply not invite him and if there is any backlash from the family then direct them to speak to FH. It is his decision after all. And for the record, i agree with j_jaye, i wouldnt be letting him anywhere near my family again.

I am in a similar boat though mine is not physically violent or alcohol related. My dads mother has a habit of turning any comment into an attack against herself and has ruined 5 different special occasions (birthdays and christmas mostly). FH and I dont want her there as I know she will make a scene. It is this reason mainly that we are going to Fiji to marry. It will just be our parents and siblings that attend and I know they will behave. Dad has threatened not to come if we dont include them but I know he wont miss this for anything.

I hope you dont have too much trouble with it all. Goodluck.