Bothered brides

Share your concerns and grievances with other to-be-weds

Lydsy

my (insert someone) is driving me nuts! Help!!

Tue 27 Oct 2009 12:13PM posts 43

Ah, i’m surprised there isnt a general topic on this yet!

As for me the bane of my existence is my fiance’s twin brother’s girlfriend. She is HORRID! comptely horrid.

She was my bridesmaid, and we were very close. We had a falling out because she was telling my fiance’s parents what I was saying to her that was making me upset. (they are turkish and there are quite a few cultural differences). So she betrayed by trust. Long story short, she is not my bridesmaid anymore and I couldnt be happier.

BUT! cause she is horrid about the wedding it makes me anxious. I coudlnt care less if it rained! If it doesnt go exaclty to plan! but the idea of having to talk to her politely on my day turns me into a blubbering mess. At our engagement party she was so mean. Didnt talk to anyone, insulted me and walked around with a sour look on her face. Sure, she is jealous, but it still hurts. So i plan on avoiding her at the wedding, and running away if she comes near me, nobody will notice, sure i’ll be in a white ballgown… :D

So there is really nothing particular to complain about. but maybe other people have complaints…

Vent away! :D


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Lydsy

Ah, i’m surprised there isnt a general topic on this yet!

As for me the bane of my existence is my fiance’s twin brother’s girlfriend. She is HORRID! comptely horrid.

She was my bridesmaid, and we were very close. We had a falling out because she was telling my fiance’s parents what I was saying to her that was making me upset. (they are turkish and there are quite a few cultural differences). So she betrayed by trust. Long story short, she is not my bridesmaid anymore and I couldnt be happier.

BUT! cause she is horrid about the wedding it makes me anxious. I coudlnt care less if it rained! If it doesnt go exaclty to plan! but the idea of having to talk to her politely on my day turns me into a blubbering mess. At our engagement party she was so mean. Didnt talk to anyone, insulted me and walked around with a sour look on her face. Sure, she is jealous, but it still hurts. So i plan on avoiding her at the wedding, and running away if she comes near me, nobody will notice, sure i’ll be in a white ballgown… :D

So there is really nothing particular to complain about. but maybe other people have complaints…

Vent away! :D

Tue 27 Oct 2009 12:13PM

katemonster

argh! my mother! we have a great relationship and I love her to bits but argh!

she’s a fantastic sounding board when it comes to matters of etiquette, but when it comes to styling she’s a nightmare. she has great taste, but just has funny ideas about things she thinks I ‘should’ have which I don’t want at all.

take flowers. I don’t want a bouquet and think flowers are a huge waste of money. we will have corsages and buttonholes and fruit centrepieces at the reception but that’s it. she thinks it’s weird I don’t want a bouquet and that it’ll ‘look funny’ if I don’t have one. she even told me she’d pay for it if I had one! she also told me I couldn’t have a cocktail length wedding dress because ‘having exposed legs looks bad in photos’. given that she’s paying for the dress I have to concede on this one.

why do people just not accept your wishes?

Wed 4 Nov 2009 09:21AM

Lydsy

i think that sometimes some people find it hard to understand that what they like and want is not what YOU like and want.

she clearly has a preconcieved idea of what a wedding should look like, and yours doesnt fit that bill (frankly, the fruit centrepeices sound awesome!). At the end of the day you have to look at those photos and have your memories for the rest of your life, YOUR life, not hers!

I think its hard for some mothers (and mothers in law, or anyone for that matter) to understand that its YOUR day, not THEIR day.

If it really bothers you, maybe you should talk to your mum. it sounds like you have a good relationship. explain to her how you feel and how it is your day etc etc. maybe she will understand. if she doesnt, well, thats her problem.

dont please others on your wedding. please yourself and your FH. :) I hope that helps!

Wed 4 Nov 2009 23:08PM

laceyj

It’s good to know I’m not the only one having mother dramas! 

I love my mum to bits, but regardless of how similar we are, my wedding is turning out to be something that we do nothing but argue over!  

We’ve had a drama with dresses.  Mum will never say that she doesn’t like the tea length tuelle skirt, she will instead point out thirty other options that she likes better.  I mention the fabulously retro looking, oversized black beads and black peep toe slingbacks that i want to wear and she bombards me with hundreds of diamante and pearl options….for both jewellery and feet!

And fashion isn’t the really sore point – the flowers are the real kicker!  I’m like katemonster – I don’t want flowers.  I’d love to have a button bouquet but as my fiance is really not a fan, i thought that my bridesmaid and I would just go flowerless (we’ll look fabulous enough as it is!).  The guys and the parents can have buttonholes/corsages, but that’s it. No twigs, no floral centrepieces, no flowers on the cake. 

Subsequently the only thing that my mother and I seem to talk about at the moment is flowers…..Or how my father keeps telling her to stop being such a control freak.  Truer words have never been spoken :D

Thu 5 Nov 2009 02:45AM

katemonster

it’s reassuring to know others are having similar issues!

today the topic of flowers raised it’s ugly head yet again. apparently now I need a bouquet because ‘you need a focal point in photos’. ergh. I pointed out (facetiously of course) that me and mr monster are supposed to be the focal point in photos ;)

of course, what I’m finding in discussing wedding plans with my mother is that the real issue is never the surface topic. there’s always something deeper. the real reason she wants me to have a bouquet is because she wants me to carry the horseshoe my grandmother had in her wedding bouquet from 1947 which actually came from her pet pony. I told mum I’d love to do this but am unsure as to why she didn’t just suggest this in the first place instead of pushing a bouquet on me as the ‘excuse’. it could have saved a lot of angst.

Thu 5 Nov 2009 10:20AM

ThePrincessBride

Lydsy- you know if it’s really that bad of a problem you could just not invite her! Sure it’ll probably bring up some drama, especially between your H2B and his brother but why would you want someone so negative and sour to be part of a day that is meant to be about love and joy.. do you really wanna look back and think, wow she completely ruined my wedding day? But sometimes that option just isn’t worth the hassle and the drama and I think if that’s the case then avoiding her is a good idea. However you can always cross your fingers and hope they break up before the big day! lol!

Wed 11 Nov 2009 15:54PM

Jessica_88

I have to agree with a few of you ladies – my mother is driving me insane!! Yesterday she took me to this supposed “wonderful scrap booking store” which she said would have the supplies to make my invitations….honestly by the time we left the store I was holding back tears, she was suggesting all this horrid paper to me (including suggesting that i just print them on regular, computer paper) and when I politely informed her they were not what I wanted she made me look and feel like a total bride-zilla… I know exactly the type I want and had made it clear previously what I wanted but she kept practically throwing this horrid paper and card at me that anyone who knows me would know I would hate it. After I left I called FH who was at work and left a blubbering message on his voicemail… long story short we have decided to get them printed professionally….

This isn’t the first time she’s done this either… a few months ago we went trying on dresses, there was 1 dress that she loved, but I wasn’t too sure on it, it was nice but not what I had in mind. She went and told everyone that we had found the dress and showed them pictures of it even thought I had specifically said “I don’t think this is the one”. Again she made me feel like a total bridezilla which is unfair. My wedding is now 6 months away and I am close to ordering my dress yet she still tells me “you already found it”… frustrating!

It must be a mother thing… I hope I’m more sympathetic to my future daughter’s wishes when they get married 

Thu 12 Nov 2009 03:36AM

Lydsy

as for mothers, if they keep doing this to you, why are you invovling them??? I know how horrid it sounds, but if it was your friend doing this to you, you wouldnt call them for a while, right? So do ALL of yourselves a favour and dont invite your mothers!!

I cant stand shopping with my mother in law. she thinks that what a 53 year old woman would wear is what a 25 year old woman would wear. pfft. so what do i do? not invite her!! its as simple as that! I am lucky and my own mother is great. We came out of the dressmakers (im getting all the dresses made) and she was scared she talked too much! She had a few suggestions which were great. So I’m lucky in that respect.

Keep your sanity girls, go on secret squirril wedding missions!

As for my potential sister in law, princess bride, unfortunately that is not an option. when I am particularly upset or hysterical about the whole thing and threaten to not invite her, my FH nips that in the bud. I’m not inviting her to the hens,the shower and the invitation printer is going to “accidently” forget to print her name on the invite. mwuwhahahahahahahahahahahhaha!

But ill most likely chicken out on that one though.

Hopefully they will break up but she is the type of girl who would announce her pregnancy the night before our wedding (if its the truth or not) just to get the attention on her. or announce her pregnancy if he threatened to break up with her. i hate women like that.

 

BTW, i love all your dress ideas!! my MIL had a fit when i said i wasnt wearing white (or silver or ivory) shoes but black ones. and oooh! there would be black and green in my dress (the tuelle under the ballgown skirt is coloured. keep strong and wear a tea length tuelle skirt with black beads and black peep toe sling backs! it would look so damn hot!!

Sat 14 Nov 2009 02:21AM

katemonster

jessica, when I emailed my mother our proposed budget (we’re paying for the wedding ourselves), including professional printing of invites, she told me I should just ‘print the invitations out on the computer’ and that ’I’m sure we could make a headpiece ourselves for much cheaper’.

now I’m open to suggestions, but my image of a wedding is of a rather upmarket party. not the kind of event where you just ‘print the invitations on computer’, especially considering I’m not a graphic designer or very creative! neither are my mother or I great at design, sewing or millinery, so I can’t understand why she doesn’t get that I want to pay for someone to do something knowing it will be exactly what I want and which will completely eliminate any possibility of any DIY efforts looking completely rubbish.

she doesn’t seem to understand that DIY is only a good cost saving idea if it doesn’t look like DIY!

I don’t know why she insists on these things either when it’s not her money that’s being spent???

Sat 14 Nov 2009 10:34AM

Lydsy

kate monster – maybe she has no concept of what a wedding is like today. maybe she is remembering what it was like when she got married….

Your mum sounds like she is pretty far removed from 21st century wedding reality….

did you say anything to her or did you bite your tongue?

Mon 16 Nov 2009 11:01AM

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