Planning & etiquette

My parents divorced ten years ago and my mum and dad don’t speak to one another. I don’t really want to invite my mum but think it would be rude not to. On the other hand I don’t want to worry about my parents being in the same room. Should I just elope? My fiancé wants a proper wedding and his family are normal!

Of course it’s rude not to invite your mum. Be strategic about it though, make sure they are on tables furthest away from each other. Remind them before the day that it’s your day so you’d appreciate it if they could behave like grown-ups for you for just one day.

Yes, you really should have both parents there and I agree, they need to be reminded that it’s YOUR day. They may surprise you!

You can invite and not invite who ever you want.

I’m am very big on invite who you want, not just because you “Have” to invite someone, if you don’t want someone there no matter, if its your mother, brother, cousin, bestfriend. don’t invite them, its your day!

I’m having this same problem – only my parents are divorcing NOW and my mother and I fell out about a year ago. I was given some advice by a friend that I’m trying to follow regardless of my feelings – by inviting her, I am being the bigger person. I don’t need to invite her partner – there will be plenty of people there she will know – and your parents SHOULD be adult enough to be civil to each other (or avoid each other). I mean, they are at their daughter’s wedding!! I totally feel you though! My fiancé has a lovely, normal family too and I still get the urge to elope just to avoid all this!! But again, if you elope, arent’t you just letting your family dictate what you do and don’t do? Ugh, sorry, all these thoughts coming out not very coherently.

Thanks everyone for replying and giving me a few options to think about. Our wedding is still a long way off so I’ll keep those ideas in mind and decide on whatever makes me feel most comfortable because as you all said it is our special day

Invite who you want, i am only inviting one parent and you will probably find that no one will even notice, the guests will probably not ask about it.

The only person who will be offended is your mum. If she has a reasonable expectation that she will be invited, like you chat every now and then and exchange birthday and christmas cards then not inviting her is rude.

This is not worth eloping over, i am in a similar situation and i can tell you its not a big a problem as you think it will be, dont let it take up much of your thougths or it can ruin things.

Good luck

It’s not rude to invite your mother to your wedding if it will upset and stress you that she is there, I am not inviting my father for the reason that we have absolutely no contact and I made the decision that if he attended it would just upset me, this his upset my mother who is still on friendly terms with him but you need to remember its your day and you need to be comfortable with the people around you.

I’ll prob invite both in your case, cus no matter what, family is the most important thing in the world…

April, I am in the same situation as you. My mother is a very nasty piece of work, to put it politely, I have chosen not to have anything to do with her over the past 3 years. I have so many people telling me I “should” invite her, even though I don’t want to. I however have invited her to my engagement party, we are having a bbq lunch. This is going to be a test to her to see what she does. Don’t elope, your father will be so proud that his daughter is getting married….