Your relationship

My FH has three boys from his previous marriage who are 12, 10 and 8.

Three years in (we live together), I have a great relationship with the 8yo, get on well with the 10yo, but the 12yo is a constant challenge with his horrible, hostile, ugly behaviour that has included hitting me, throwing something at me that cut my face, verbal aggression etc etc. His Dad finally put a stop to the violence stuff but his verbal and non-verbal behaviour is still hideous most of the time.

I have tried EVERYTHING to build a relationship with him but things have just gotten worse.

(I include these details just so people understand that there are serious issues – I’m not just grizzling here.)

My question is about including them in our wedding next year. I don’t want them to be scheduled to “do” anything, since the 12yo would be likely to deliberately derail things, and the younger ones aren’t interested. However if the younger boys asked, I would be happy to include them as ushers or similar, but they would need to be keen off their own bats and I wouldn’t have them do anything that could be a problem if they pulled out at the last minute.

But I would like to include them in our vows in a way that is sensitive to their loyalty to their mum ie no mentions of “new parents” or “new family” etc. 

I would also like them to just have a fun night!

Any suggestions?

thats a hard one, honestly i think ushers are a little pointless and i know when my brother was asked to be one for my Aunty’s wedding, he was excited to be included in the wedding, only to find out on the day all he did was stood and the end of the isle and did nothing, i think maybe if one of them ask then find a differt job for them, hand out programs, hold the rings, possibly even jnr groomsmen, as for wording in the vowls i hav no idea there, im not good with that sort of thing, sorry

Hi Breezy,

Myself and my partner both have children -1 for me and 2 for him, and all 3 live with us full time. I too want them to be involved in the wedding ceremony in some way, and have words or something symbolising ALL the new relationships, not just myself and fh. I found one book that has a small addition to the ceremony which we really like. I also like the idea of a sand ceremony – if the 12yo doesn’t want to participate then your fh could put his sand in for him maybe?

Let me know if you would like the wording of the addition to the ceremony and I’ll post them, or if possible (I’m still new to this site!) private message them?

Hope it all works out for you.

Cheers,

Kelly