Bothered brides

Hello, my name is Kat. I’m going to be marrying my fiance in April of next year, and I’m half-way through planning.

Recently we decided who our wedding party would be, and I ended up with two beautiful senior bridesmaids, three junior bridesmaids and two flower girls.

My Fiancee, Simon, chose his best man, and this is where the trouble starts.

Simon asked his best friend if he would be best man (We’ll call him X). X said it would be an honor, but under one condition – that the stag night would have strippers. Now, Simon and I had already discussed this, and it wasn’t going to be an issue because Simon said “If I am marrying the most beautiful girl in the world, why would I want to look at any one else?”

All together now “D’aawwwwwww”

And that is what Simon told X. That there were to be no strippers, because he doesn’t like the idea of strippers in the first place, and he loves and respects me. (When we first spoke about hens nights/stag parties I asked him not to, because I would be very hurt, and he said as long as I didn’t get a male stripper he’d be happy, and we agreed.)

Unfortunately, it continued. Simon recieved a bunch of text messages from X saying that I was controlling his urges to look at nude women, and that if he said he didn’t want to he was lying to himself or I was “supressing his Maleness”, and that if I am so jealous and controlling Simon should not be marrying me, as I am obviously not capable of selfless love, or the ability to let my partner grow and be himself. (He also said I was jealous, immature, had mental issues and the reason I wouldn’t let Simon look at strippers is because I know he would find them more attractive.)

I don’t know what to do. I am extremely offended and hurt, and I don’t want to be feeling threatened on my big day or have my partner be subjected to peer pressure to do something we agreed not to do. Also, is it so hard for someone to think that a man could actually love his partner and not want to look at anyone else?

Please give me some advice.. I don’t want to be a bride-zilla, or make my fiancee unhappy, but I want to be firm on my decisions, and not be abused for making them..

Thanks in advance for any replies, Kat

Hi Kat
Oh my gosh this guy doesnt sound like a real friend to your fiance if he cant respect both your wishes!!!!
Personally it doesnt worry me if my fiance chooses to have strippers at his stag party as I feel they are not really significant to us or our relationship after all I have the ring on my finger.
 
However in saying that this is a personal choice if your fiance and your self have agreed on this point X needs to either respect this or step down. I would be absolutely livid if one of my partners friends was treating me like this and on this point alone I would be ditching him from the wedding party all together. I would only want people with respect for myself and my fiance sharing such a special milestone with us. At the end of the day this is about yourself and your partner so your fiance should tell X to either respect you and both your wishes or boot off.
 
The fact that he is so clearly is love with you is such a beautiful thing dont let some immature womanizer ruin it for you!!!:)
Elle

What an a**hole!!! Sorry if that’s too forward, but he totally is. It’s your day (your as in you and Simon) and he should not interfere. If Simon doesn’t want strippers then he shouldn’t push it. Sorry Kat but it sounds like this guy is going to push and pressure Simon even after you get married.
No, it’s not unusual for a man to love a woman and not want to see strippers. It’s the same the other way around. My boyfriend and I have discussed hens/bucks night and we’ve both said we’re not interested in strippers or clubs or any of that. (he actually said he doesn’t want a bucks night at all which I think he might regret).
This guy definitely needs to back off. I would actually go as far to say if he insists on strippers then he can easily be replaced as Best Man and become a simple groomsman.
How is Simon taking it?

So what ended up happening in the end? I personally would expect my fiance to dump his so called best man if he ever spoke about me like that. I wouldn’t stand for my MOH talking like that about him, so it needs to go both ways. 

Possibly your fiance could ask him to be just a groomsman – That way the bucks night organisation would be out of his hands. It’s really up to your FH to sort this one out and remember that he is in a really tough position so just be supportive I think. I hope it works out for you.

I’m guessing this wedding has been and gone but for anyone suffering in the same way I’ll dish out my advice;
X was being a tool but on the other hand there IS a stigma attached to Buck’s Parties that says ‘you have to have strippers maaaaaate!’ (Cos they’re not there the rest of the year round!? And get stupidly drunk from sparrow fart to sparrow fart the next day. Personally I’m ok with a stripper as a feature act but at a club but not going to clubs. That’s where it gets expensive and stupid but hey, if that’s what he wanted to do then fine, I’d deal with it. Just hope he’s not paying!
The problem is that X is being a tosser and slagging you off to his friend, trying to turn him against you. That’s not cool. It sounds like X wants the Buck’s night to be all about him and not Simon. That’s not a good Best Man. I would feel very uncomfortable if any of Dan’s best men did that, which they won’t if they know what’s good for them.
Saying all that stuff about you wasn’t nice and unacceptable. X may have been feeling as though he was losing his best friend…? What I’m confused about was did Simon actually come back to you and tell you verbatim what X said? Why would he do that knowing it was hurtful? Unless you’ve pushed him for answers. And I’m all for being honest but it wouldn’t be surprising to hear a group of men on a Buck’s party went to a strip club and then the next day said, ‘There were no strippers babe. We just hung out at the pub and played mini golf….til 6am.’ 
I hope Simon was able to pull X into line and have him organise something that everyone, particularly he enjoyed. I reckon if X wanted to go to a strip club so badly and Simon didn’t, he should have done it afterwards, when the Buck’s party was over. 
Strip club = not the end of the world. 
P.S. Don’t look at your man’s hard drive, it’s likely you won’t like what you fined!