Not engaged…yet

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alsgirl
ACT

I know what I like, and I think I'm starting to annoy my man…any tips or patience advice?

Tue 17 Jul 2012 23:40PM posts 160

I’ve been with my man for 8 months, and we both know we’re going to get married. Both of us think that the engagement is the important step – a confirmation that we want to spend the rest of our lives together – and agree that we’d prefer a long engagement. 
I know what I’d like the engagement ring to look like (white gold, simple trilogy with centre stone a sapphire – my birthstone – in case you were curious), have a wedding dress already ($50 op-shop find before I met my man!)
I’m becoming obsessed with looking at rings, and just want to get engaged. My man has made logical arguments as to why it’s going to be next year, not now, but I can’t stop thinking about it.
If anyone can help me learn some patience/put things into perspective, I’d appreciate it!


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alsgirl
ACT

I’ve been with my man for 8 months, and we both know we’re going to get married. Both of us think that the engagement is the important step – a confirmation that we want to spend the rest of our lives together – and agree that we’d prefer a long engagement. 
I know what I’d like the engagement ring to look like (white gold, simple trilogy with centre stone a sapphire – my birthstone – in case you were curious), have a wedding dress already ($50 op-shop find before I met my man!)
I’m becoming obsessed with looking at rings, and just want to get engaged. My man has made logical arguments as to why it’s going to be next year, not now, but I can’t stop thinking about it.
If anyone can help me learn some patience/put things into perspective, I’d appreciate it!

Tue 17 Jul 2012 23:40PM

alsgirl
ACT

He’s the sweetest, most patient guy who I love to bits, but I think I’m starting to get on his nerves!

Tue 17 Jul 2012 23:42PM

MissLynda
VIC

Hi alsgirl,
There is nothing stopping you from thinking about, planning or looking at wedding things, maybe just try not to talk about it in front of your man, my Fi got really annoyed at me becauseI kept talking about weddings with him, so I stopped, I didn’t stop thinking about it or looking at ideas, but I just didn’t mention it in front of him. 
Also, once you are engaged, take some time to enjoy being engaged, you don’t have to rush straight into planning. Have an e party and then enjoy being engaged for a little while, I didn’t, I rushed straight into planning and booking things and I kind of wish I had enjoyed the honeymoon period for a little longer.
Just remember, there is nothing wrong with dreaming, just keep it to yourself for now.

Wed 18 Jul 2012 12:20PM

EmeraldBride
VIC

Alsgirl, It’s great to know I’m not alone! I’m in the exact same boat as you are, so I know exactly how you feel! My boyfriend and I have been together 13 months, and I started talking weddings and babies two weeks after we got together (more to find out whether he was a keeper). The talk became serious about two months ago. We know we want to get married, and we’ve discussed houses, kids, incomes, everything. He then said a couple months ago that if everything continues smoothly he’s going to propose at the beginning of next year… I spent 6 hours looking at wedding stuff the next day…
 
I am soooo excited, I have trouble containing it in. I tried to stop looking at wedding stuff but I realized the more I tried to stop, the more I ended up talking about it. So go ahead and look at things. I’ve bought myself a box, a notebook and a sketchbook. Every time I see something I like I write it down to look over when I am actually engaged. Any dresses or rings I like I print off the picture and post it in the artbook with details of where to find it and what price. My boyfriend knows about it, and I’ve even bought a couple things, like the cake topper.
 
However, my boyfriend also gets sick of hearing about it, and I need to be careful about how much I talk about it and how much detail I go into. I didn’t realize I was that bad until I mentioned that I couldn’t wait for us to plan it and my boyfriend looked at me in genuine shock because he thought he didn’t have a choice. I pretty much told my boyfriend to let me know when it gets too much, and there have been a couple times that he has asked for an hour without wedding talk, haha!
 
My suggestion is grab a notebook and research and write out ideas to your hearts content, there’s nothing wrong with being prepared and having seen everything on offer. If there does get a point that you get impatient or are obssessing to much, I find looking at wedding stuff always helps me get it out of my system.

Wed 25 Jul 2012 21:35PM

little_piggy
VIC

Oh I think nearly every girl goes through this! When my partner left work he told his colleagues he was going to meet his future wife for the first time-cute. But we knew and after three months we got each others names tattoos on us. We talked about marriage and he actually contemplating having kids for the first time. 
But for the next 2.7 years… Marriage was on my brain!   I did the same things, researching rings… Looking a pretty weddings.. Dresses flowers. Started to make a folder on my computer of the things I liked… Mentioned it a few times.. But he wanted to wait. 
Knowing that it will come one day is a big weight off your shoulders! 
My partner said ‘do you just to get married or do you want to get married to me?’ that made me stop and think… He was right why was I so pushy? 
It’s great to plan and think and wish and hope… It’ll be a great surprise when the proposal happens. So I think ring hints are fine at the moment! Just keep the other stuff on the back burner, talk to friends and your family about things. He’ll just feel like your on his case. 
Not much good advice but… Sit tight! All big goals are work the work and the wait!

Mon 13 Aug 2012 20:54PM

little_piggy
VIC

Oh a good thing I read was to have a night of the week where it’s okay for you to talk about that stuff. Maybe there is down time in between tv shows on Tuesday. It’ll be hard but they just don’t care about every little thing you’ve looked at- just pick your favorite things or your most important. And make sure it’s a conversation… Not a one way thing. 
I was getting 10 minutes a week to talk wedding… Until I said ‘let’s go to bunnings, where we took a billion paint swatches to get him to talk about wedding colors. But he did get a treat after that… Drill bits. 
 

Mon 13 Aug 2012 20:59PM

Gagingi
QLD

My fiancé and I have been together for over 10 years. I’d given up on his ever proposing, but we’d established we’d be together forever. Then one day out of the blue he proposed. No warning, it just happened. We are the happiest we’ve ever been. If he’d proposed earlier I’d have said yes as I love him, but I’m glad it was when it was as it was the right time for both of us.
 
There is no rush, he obviously loves you. Perhaps he is saving for a ring, planning how he’ll propose or has it in his head that you need to have been together for a certain period of time. Just enjoy the courtship and be happy you’ve found your forever person.
 
Once you are engaged then you can plan the wedding together. The suggestion of keeping a private box or book of wedding ideas is great, but keep it to yourself or confide in a good friend. My man is very excited about our wedding and now that we are engaged has thrown himself into the planning.
 
Arguing or demanding a proposal is such a stressful waste of time when you could just enjoy being in love. You don’t want to put a gun to his head, particularly when you know the proposal is coming and in the not too distant future. 

Mon 20 Aug 2012 16:33PM

Sonia_le
WA

I know the feeling. My fiance and I have been together for nearly 20 months and engaged for 1.5 months. Long before he proposed we knew we could see a future together and often discused aspects of it. I spent a lot of time fantasising about our wedding but tried not to talk about that too much because I knew he’s a pretty private and reclusive guy who will do things at his own pace.
I found that because he worked away a lot, it actually helped me to gain control to not bombard him too much when he was home. Other than that I’ve also tried putting myself in his shoes. It’s not just about the girl. The whole process needs to feel comfortable and right for him as well and that is what I told my fiance when he offered to get engaged earlier than he wanted to help me with a family situation (I said no to his offer).
Just remember that it’s more than just a ring and a day. It’s about the future the two of you will build together. I know my fiance and I have enjoyed countless hours of talking about what our lives will be like together, what our family be like, things we’ll do with our kids. I would suggest putting some focus on the future beyond the ring and the day.
It’s perfectly fine to look and dream and plan. Just perhaps do it with your girlfriends or family rather than talking to him about it to the point he gets annoyed.

Thu 23 Aug 2012 00:17AM

Niki’s Nuptials
SA

Hey ladies its our 8 Year anniversary soon and im so excited! Im trying not to get my hopes up but i have seen my dream ring 6 years ago and we saw it again a few months ago so i know that “arrangements” have been made. We have 2 beautiful boys together and have been living together 3 months after we met. We have been talking about it for ages but money just wasnt right. Let’s hope its right in 3 weeks time when its our 8 year anniversary ive already picked the colour possible location, flowers, centrepieces, honeymoon destinations bridal party members, and any extras im so excited i hope it happens soon! I just wanna plan plan plan were having a 2-21/2 yr engagement and hopefully getting married in the Barossa in SA a winery somewhere as we both love the outdoors. Should i slow down and wait until he actually proposes?? Its been a long time together and im really sick of that word de-facto or partner coz boyfriend sounds weird when hes the fathe ofmy boys too Any advice girls??? Much appreciated   Impatient : )

Sat 15 Sep 2012 22:19PM

EmeraldBride
VIC

Hi Niki, I’m not sure whether your man is the traditional type, but have you considered proposing to him? Obviously wait three weeks to see if he does actually propose, but if he doesn’t then maybe think about it. You could always buy him a small gift to propose with. I’ve told my boyfriend if he doesn’t soon enough then I’ll ask him and I thought I would propose with a nice pair of cufflinks to match his wedding ring (I know what design he wants). Although if he’s already made arrangements for the ring, I’m assuming by arrangements you mean he’s currently paying it off, then he’ll propose sooner or later. Probably as soon as he has the ring to propose with. I know most men hate proposing with an empty box…

Mon 17 Sep 2012 16:11PM

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