Guests & the bridal party

Hi fellow knotties. 

I am getting really stressed about our guest list and all the politics surrounding it. It’s a bit of a long story, so I apologize, but you probably need all the details before you can help me. You see, my grandparents on my dads side are horrible. His mum has a nasty habit of taking everything anyone says and turning it against her. She has ruined 5 family events including mothers day two years ago, which I hosted. When she has an ‘eposide’ she is yelling and screaming abuse at everyone. I haven’t seen or spoken to them since that mothers day. I don’t want them at our wedding and neither does FH. However, my dad has since told me that if we don’t invite them then he probably won’t come. I know that at the end of the day mum won’t let him miss is and I don’t think he could himself either, but his threat really upset me. On the other side, I hardly see or hear from my mums family, she has 3 siblings all with kids and her parents. I know that her parents won’t be able to come. We are planning a wedding in Fiji and her mum has Alzheimer’s so she won’t be traveling and I know they can’t afford it. But I was going to send them a courtesy invite anyway. Mum now tells me that I can’t invite all her family and not dads parents, that is would be rude. The thing is, I don’t really know if I want all her family there either. They never bother to include me in their lives or invite me to any events they have. Ryan (FH) and I talk about it a lot and his suggestion is just immediate family, which would be great but he wants his grandmother and her husband their as well which puts me back as square one. The last thing I want to do one my wedding day is stressing over what drama my grandmother will create, it’s inevitable. The bigger the event, the bigger the blow-up. I want to be able to invite just the family we want there with us but with all the politics around a wedding it seems we are going to upset a lot of people. We are 2.5 years away from our wedding date and I’m already stressed out. I am sorry for the long post but I need your advice. Has anyone else been in this sort of situation and what did you do?

Take a deep breath first.

Immediate family includes the grandparents just so you know.

If you aren’t inviting any other aunts and uncles then you really do not have to invite your mums siblings. If you are inviting other aunts and uncles then yes their feeling may be hurt and it could destroy any chance of a relationship with them. If you are happy to that then that is entirely your choice.

As for your grandmother- again this is a relationship problem. With over 2 years to go could you maybe work on the relationship and make a decision further down the track? Again if she is not invited it might destroy any chance of a relationship with your grandmother.

Good luck

I’m with J_Jaye here. Working on the relationship is the best idea. I know it sometimes seems impossible, but finally with a bit over a year to go until our wedding my FH has rebuilt his relationship with his mother, will tolerate his step-father, and is friends with his sisters again. I know with our situation his step-father being at our wedding has potential to cause major issues, but at the end of the day if he is rude to either of us or starts any trouble with any of the other guests he will be asked to leave the venue.

Mollie-Rose- great to hear your FI’s relationship with his family has been rebuilt.