Bothered brides

The grooms parents and us has a falling out about 5 months ago over and incident involving our eldest son. Since then they have not tried to contact us not even to see their 2 grandchildren which they were quite close to. The groom has written them off but I’m sure if they made contact and apologised that he would come round. I do not believe it is my place to contact them especially since the groom has told me not to. Since this the grooms grandmother and aunt have told us that if the grooms parents are not involve with the children then they don’t want to be either. So what to do about the wedding the grooms parents are rather difficult and like to cause a seen and make trouble (the grooms mother tried to hit the grooms brothers new wife at their wedding i spent the last our of their wedding holding her back and calming her down) but I still think it would be a shame for the groom not to have his parents at his wedding at what about the rest of the family will they not come if the grooms parents don’t? What are everyone’s thought on the situation? The whole thing just seems like one big mess to me

what a sticky situation. you’re right, it’s not your place to contact your in-laws (or should I say outlaws?), especially considering your FH has asked you not to.

let me put this question to you: would you or your FH tolerate such juvenile, unacceptable, selfish behaviour from your friends in public? it sounds like his family just can’t be trusted to put other people before themselves and behave themselves for a few hours for the sake of a nice day.

IMHO weddings can make people sentimental to the point of inviting people they later regret including. parents and close family shouldn’t feel they have carte blanche to behave however they see fit at any event, let alone a wedding where it’s not even about them. if they want to carry on like pork chops and embarrass themselves they should do it on someone else’s dime and someone else’s time.

if I were you I’d be leaving them off the invite list for now. they need to prove they can earn their place at your wedding where people are required to conduct themselves with aplomb and some degree of class. if your FH doesn’t want to invite his parents then don’t. the day is not about them. it’s about both of you.

as for the rest of the family, you need to call their bluff. you can’t control whether they will accept your invitations or not. if they do decline just say “that’s really disappointing but if you don’t want to come then we understand”. do not let yourself be drawn into discussions with his family or allow yourself to be manipulated into inviting his parents if he really doesn’t want them there. I hate how some families think different rules apply to them as opposed to everyone else.

I’m in the same position as you Lozz with my FH’s family.  It’s horrible to think that on your big day all you, your FH and your guests will be seeing is the big empty space where his family should be. 

My plan is to invite them.  That way I have done my best.  If they decide to come then I will allow them to be part of our day but I won’t give them any special treatment.  That should be given to the people who have supported us and our choices.

I hope it works of for you.

Talk to your FH. If you think he will regret not inviting them then you need to tell him. Dont turn it into an argument with him, just calmly let him know your stance on the issue. If he feels the same then maybe you could send them a save-the-date. If you still dont get a response then they are clearly not worth the heartache. Should FH still feel he doesnt want to contact them in anyway then your best option is to support him in that choice. Dont try to push the issue with him as you may injure your relatioship with him. Goodluck