Bothered brides

Hi everyone,

So i am getting married to a Greek guy, I am Aussie. We both arent religious at all, and have decided to have the ceremony in a park or on a pier (wedding isnt until Sept next year so we are still deciding)

All of my family is in NSW, i live in VIC, and my partner is still living at home until our house is built.

My family are easy going when it comes to things like this, they are more, its your day, do what both of you want.

Today, we went and had a look at the first function room we wanted to see, went back to my partners place and his father told us that he will be paying for the wedding, and for us to please consider having the ceremony in a Greek church.

Now, i have been to Greek weddings, i have no idea what the preist is saying half the time, and i feel it just wouldnt be right if i got married in a church when i have no idea what is being said..

I totally understand why his parents would want him to be married in a church, he is the first of the family to be married, however, i feel they played the guilt trip a bit by saying they would pay for the wedding, but can we get married in a Greek church.

We both feel it would be hypocritical to get married in a church, as i said we are not religious, and we just dont feel it would be “us”

I keep saying to my partner we have to do what WE want to do, after all its OUR wedding, but i feel sort of bad at the same time.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this?

Hey honey,

I’m half Greek, half Aussie by FH is Aussie! So I can imagine how it’s going!

While I do love Greek weddings (not the actual words as I don’t understand Greek anyway) but I love all the ceremony.

That said, while it seemed like my mum (the non Greek one) and my FMIL (weird right) wanted a Greek wedding at the church we decided against it for a few reasons.

1. FH is not baptized at all so he’d need to be baptised before we couldn’t even b married I’m the church.

2. I always wanted a garden wedding and our wedding date is a good time of year for it.

3. Like you FH felt it would be hypocritical and wouldn’t understand what was going on.

In the end we explained this to the parents, I will do so also if the Greek side complain. It was a little hard because last year my god brother married his Aussie wife in the Greek church and she became greek orthodox for him…

My parents understood, my mother r,emebered how it felt to be pressured to do it and how she couldn’t understand anything. My dad was the most understanding and said while he likes the church service, he wants us to do what we want!

The funny thing is, my FH loves some of the traditions so he comes to church at Easter and loves the Greek Easter celebrations, the fact that he gets involved on those little things really impressed, I know I’ll be taking my kids to those kinds of things (whether or not we baptise them) so they can see their culture and hertitage. 

Long story short, my FH asked me when this all came up what I wanted, asked me if I wanted to do it in the Greek church as he would for me, and while I love it…I’ve always wanted a garden wedding, I’m not a huge fan of organized religion and fellin love with the way we’d planned our venue so our decision was made! The hard part is over now we’ve dealt with it!

My advice, first talk to FH…find out if he really wants it or his parents are pressuring, talk through all the concerns and then decide together! Once you do sit down and explain why to the Future inlaws.

Also money is power, if you can afford it and they won’t budge, maybe their influence is money!,

Further, I know that post was long but have you considered working something like the stephano into the wedding (the little joined crown things) or something? Perhaps you can work with your celebrant to give the service a Greek flavour!

I would expain to your in-laws (both of you as a united team) exactly what you ahve said here. that you would be uncomfortable since you are both not religious.

I would then say to FIL- We really appreciate the offer to pay for the wedding dad but we also completely understand if you need to take back that offer since we wont be getting married in the church we completely understand.

Then wait for his reply. if he takes back the money- plan the wedding on the budget that you can afford.

If he says the offer stands regardless of where it takes place- graciously thank him and then maybe ask for suggestion on how you might be able to incorporate some things from his culture intot he wedding day. I would also get it clear with the in-laws what they expect- as in guest list etc since they would be paying. It is better to get it all out at the start so there are no suprises and so that you can decline the offer of the money if your visions don’t meet up before it gets too late and too many things are booked!

Hi hun, 

I’m in the same boat actually, I’m aussie, and my partner is 100%Greek..

At the start, we were all for getting married in the Greek church, as I wanted to embrace his culture on the biggest day of our lives. Then we met with the priest at our local church. He told me that I would have to undergo a 6 month course, two days a week, and not miss a session, before I could even get christened. Then there was the pre-marriage course..

We decided not to, as we don’t want to HAVE to go through a process, in order to get married. We ended up deciding to get married in some beautiful gardens, followed by reception by the sea. In the ceremony, however, we are using a celebrant, and he has been fantastic with incorporating what we feel is essential to our big day. We are doing the crowning ceremony, as well as a few other bits and pieces that are important (all in english of course). Majority of the ceremony will be traditional, except for a little section before the vows, and some greek dancing at the reception.

The next issue we faced was telling people that we’re NOT inviting the entire family, and used the venue as ‘reasoning’ saying that we don’t have the room to accommodate everyone, and that we don’t really know distant cousins etc. As soon as his yiayia (grandma) found out the date, she wrote me a list of people to invite, and I politely said, that WE are paying for the day, and it’s OUR wedding, therefore we are going to plan/invite/do what we want.. 

With some things we have been lenient, and other things really strict.. My family is really laid back, and say ’it’s your day, have whatever you want, as it’s an expression of both of you’ whereas his family is like ’you’re greek, i did this, so you have to as well’

FH has been wonderfully supportive though, and addressed all issues as needed, and nipping everyones ideas in the bud. My M-I-L has been FANTASTIC to say the least, helping out in every which way..

I just keep reminding myself that we are both the first grandchildren and children of both parents/grandparents to be married, so everyone is extremely excited..

Is there any way you could compromise by having a few things incorporated?

Maybe things that are important to your FH? He definitely needs to have your back though, and stand up together united, and use ‘we have decided’ when you explain things ,this way they know it comes from both of you, and that they more than likely won’t be able to change your mind. hope this helps