Bothered brides

hi lovely ladies.. just wondering what the etiquette is for how much input the FMIL is allowed for OUR guest list?

she’s doing my head in. she rang up asking to get a copy of our draft guest list as there are people she wants to make sure we have put on the list that SHE wants to be there. meanwhile, some of these people i have never met or if i have, don’t particularly like.

the guest list is already heavily favoured to their side due to their massive family, & i’m not sure how to politely tell her no.

my parents & his parents are paying half each for most things – so do they get a say?

thank you

Hi Betal

Yes they get a say in the guest list. If they are paying for half the wedding then etiquette wise they should get half the wedding guest list for inviting (so 100 of the 200 possible people). However you and your FI should control the guest list and they just give you a list of people they want invited.

You have not mentioned what you FI thinks?

I would talk to both sides of the family and give them the number of people they can invite max (according to your venue). This should be the same for both sets of parents and also dont forget to give your FI and yourself an allocation for friends (eg 200 guests 30 for FI & your friends and 85 for each set of parents).

If your venue can hold more people than your guest list then I would offer more spaces to the inlaws but only if they pay for them. Just get you FI to explain that you have reached the wedding budget but if they are happy to pay for more guests then you guys are happy.

If you are at a maximum then your FI needs to talk to the inlaws and let them know that you guys are sorry but due to space limitations and considering both families are contribtuing equally to the cost of the wedding they will need to review their guest list and get it to xx number.

Alternatively elope! lol

Good luck!

Hi Betal,

My parents and FH’s parents are contributing to the guest list (only my parents are paying).  Thankfully I like all the people my parents want on the list (and have no objection to the ones his parents want – FH likes them and I don’t know them).  We are NOT (and would not) be inviting people we actually dislike.

I do not think they should monopolise the guest list (about 1/3 for you and FH, 1/3 your parents, 1/3 his parents should be an approximate guide I think).  The wedding is about you and FH not your MIL.  Perhaps you could tell her that she can see the list once it is finalised?!?  Good luck

Ali

Hi Betal

My sister had similar troubles with her MIL.  FMIL wanted to invite people that they didn’t know and were going to flair up emotions with FH’s father (FH’s father and mother are divorced).  To stop this nonsense my sister just replied to FMIL that her suggestion will be taken on board and considered and thanks for her input but the final choice would be hers.  In this case the FH’s side of the family did not contribute to the wedding though.

I would consider it quite rude of her to request the draft guest list, she could nominate people for you to consider but she doesn’t need a copy of the whole lot.

I’m hoping I don’t have these troubles for my wedding!!

Good luck with everything and remember it’s yours and FH’s day, you only get it once!!

Thank you

There are no issues with a number limit at the venue as it holds up to 300 and we are planning on inviting 130, but I just don’t like the idea of having people at my wedding who I don’t know or don’t like. I would like to celebrate with those close to us, not randoms!

But point taken, they are paying and should get a say if they want certain people invited. I do like your idea J Jaye of giving both sets of parents a limit of guests they can invite. That may solve my issue!

I will be telling her she can see the list once it’s finalised, thanks Ali
& I do too think it’s rude that she’s asked to have a copy Lucy!

Oh the joys

Good luck with all your planning girls, and thanks again for the advice

xx

This is a tough one! As gut wrenchingly annoying as it is, there will be some people at your wedding who you simply dont know, dont like or dont care for, if someone else is helping you pay for your wedding.
In a way its blackmail – we pay = we get a say
BUT you need to decide if you would rather the money or the guest list

=)