Bothered brides

Hello,

So my quesions and grievences is my FH and i are fighting over this stupid wedding.. firstly he doesnt say ANYTHING to me about what he wants and blah blah so i assume he is not really into planning the day.. then he gets angry that im not asking his opinion.

Next after neumours times of me asking him if he likes the photographer he up and tells me that hes not happy then i went and spent so much money on the photographer and that he wasnt happy with her..

Its driving me insane and with every fight i worry that maybe this isnt a good idea.. i hate fighting with him but if its over something as stupid as whats meant to be the happiest days of our lives what am i meant to do. You see he’s not really one that will sit down and have a good talk about it because he ALWAYS gets defensive..

I guess what i want to know is is this normal? do you fight with your FH about the wedding? will it all be ok in the end?

thanks..

WorriedA

Try not to stress about it too much if you are getting along well in other areas of your relationship. He might be stressed about the wedding the same way you are (nervous that everyone will be looking at him, at having to talk to everyone, hoping family is well behaved, hoping that you have enough money, worrying that you will be happy etc) and if he’s not good at talking about his feelings this is likely to come out in changing his mind about things and getting snappy. Also, men have selective hearing – so perhaps try talking less about every miniature detail of the wedding and only talking to him about the big things that really matter – that way he should pay better attention.

If things aren’t going well in your relationship otherwise now is definitely the time to address it – try to get him to open up, and if he won’t, get the assistance of a counsellor. You definitely don’t want to be making a commitment for the rest of your life if it’s not going to last past the first year, so addressing relationship issues should be a priority over wedding preparations.

I really hope it’s just the situation in the first paragraph and I wish you all the best for your relationship and marriage.

Like Liv said…he sounds like the average male involved in a wedding.

You have to remember that men also have an added pressure of getting married….that this will be the only woman they are supposed to be with for the rest of their lives. It can be a daunting prospect for men since the average man thinks he is much more of a player than he really is!

Whilst woman can have the same fears/stress we are a little bit more intune with our emotions and usually already know that they are the one!

Chick Flicks about weddings are a god send! Watched Bride wars with my fiance and he commented on one of the dresses (I really needed that little hint), and he commented during the part where they were picking Save the Date cards. So now I’ll be prepared. It’s not that he isn’t interested in the wedding it’s that he isn’t really fussed by what type of font it has or what texture the card is….

Things my fiance really cares about:

The location
the theme
the basic colour of our party (I’m talking yellow, pink, blue, green….. not eggshell or mint)
Our celebrant
the cost just like anyone else would be
the photographer/videographer (he want someone easy to get along with)
What he wears
THE FOOD <—- That’s almost entirely up to him

Basically he can be in a mood where he’s really into it and wants to have so much to do with it all…. Then there are other times where he has been working hard and it’s the difference between a yes or no or I’ll look at it later.

 My fiance is very defensive too it gets frustrating but just make sure you run everything by him even if it’s narrowing things down then showing him a short list. He might not tell you what he wants exactly, but show him what you want just to make sure he agrees with it.

I guess I’m just lucky that my fiance is so keen to be involved in ours. =)

Thanks,

Yeah its all sorted again now its just a little frustrating with the whole… “This is what i said”
“no this is what you said” things.. but its ok…

Hes fine with the photographer and ive given him the responsibility to find the carterers.. and Reception decorations (Joint but mainly him) So he’s ok…

Also the money thing was always a big thing as we’re saving for a house but we actually got one of the cheapest photographers out there so once i explained that he was ok..

Communication is the key!! and i never really thought it would be stressful on him.. he always seems so calm about marrying me.. pssh!! Thanks again!