Bothered brides

Need some advice about my bridemaid.  One is refusing to pay over $100 for her dress and told me if I want something more expensive I will have to buy it.  I’m already paying for other things that the bridesmaid would usually have to buy so I don’t feel that I should have to buy her dress too. 

I have searched everywhere for a dress that comes in under this price… I can’t find anything and most people laugh at me when I tell them what I am looking for.

I have considered cheaper options, although according to my bridesmaid these are still too much.

Am I being unreasonable? What should I do?!

hi mse,

you would think that your bm would be more sensitive towards you and your costs for YOUR (and fh) big day if she is a close friend! my way around your problem would be to suggest a dress she can wear again after the wedding, which would be money well spent and of cause would be worth over $100. you are not being unreasonable, what planet does your bm live on where any dress costs less than $100? my bm’s are paying $100 each and a friend is making their and my dress at minimal cost because she loves dressmaking, so i guess i’m lucky. do you know anyone that could/would make the dresses and maybe make it your wedding gift? hope this helps and don’t stress!

mse – breathe and repeat after me “i am not being unreasonable”!!

yes i acknowledge that traditionally the bride and brides family paid for everything, but girl, times are a changing. weddings are bloody expensive!

this is your day and you can choose what you like. kudos if you find a BM dress under $100, most retail for $400 and up. Have you looked at sites like ebay or shops like DFO?

i think you need to have a sit down with this girl and discuss finances. not the most heart warming of discussions but it needs to be done. If you pay for the dress, will she pay for shoes and makeup? Or is she expecting you to pay for everything? Is this financially possible for you?

Who pays for what is a big necessary discussion. Does she really want to be a bridesmaid? Is she aware of the costs involved with a wedding? And if she isn’t a bridesmaid, is she expecting to be able to find any dress to wear to your wedding for under $100?

Sorry everyone but I have to disagree. It is your wedding and you have asked these people to be your BM. Therefore YOU should pay for everything!!!!! It is not their weddings so why should they care! If you care so much and want to put restrictions on things such as dresses not being cheap then you need to pay for this. Another example of how americanised we are becoming. Historically bridesmaids never paid for anything in Australia it was part of the brides expenses. I really do not understand how anyone can ask someone to pay for something being forced on them! I think it is very rude! I think its important to remeber that if you can not afford to pay for your dream wedding then maybe you shouldn’t be having it yet!

mse, a bridesmaid is there to help you and support you in the planning of your wedding.  So I don’t think you are being unreasonable.  I paid for my BM Dress’s and they paid hair, Make Up and Shoes A total of about $160.00 and I paid $310.00 for there dressers.  They are still trying to pay a portion of there dressers but I wont let them.  If you are looking at BM dress which are in excess of what you your self would be happy to pay well may be change your mind.  But if all the other bridesmaid are happy to pay this maybe suggest that this is what its going to cost an unfortunately of she can not afford it, it may be better if she is just a guest.  Its not being rude but as I said your bridesmaids are suppose to help and support not make you want to pull your hair out

j_jaye,

i really hope that you don’t have to force anyone to be your bm! it should be considered an honour to be chosen for such a special day not be a burden, and if a bm doesn’t feel that way then you’ve obviously picked the wrong person!! who in this day and age realistically can afford to pay for their dream wedding all by themselves? i’m sorry but us girls who are not paying for everything aren’t rude we are realists and make compromises along the way.

msa; i really hope you can sort your problem with your bmzilla!

I went to Nordstrom (a US department store that ships worldwide – http://www.nordstrom.com) for my bridesmaids dresses because I couldn’t find anything in the shops that I liked and didn’t look to ‘bridesmaidie’.  They have an amazing range and cater for a budget of $100.  You would need to also consider the shipping cost and time – but overall I think that I am much better off financially and was spoilt for choice!

It’s not unreasonable for you to ask your bridesmaid to pay for her dress, and it also isn’t unreasonable for her to tell you what she can afford… it’s a tough balancing act but you will get there – because you have a relationship that started long before you asked her to be your bridesmaid and will continue long after.

Good luck!

Thanks cathstash… I think you missed the point!

My bridesmaid are not paying for ANYTHING!!!! I am paying for everything! And I never mentioned I was forcing something on them the original poster mse is! thats why I thought it was particularly rude to be asking them to pay for such an expensive dress!

I value and understand the tradition and honour of someone being a bridesmaid which is why I am paying for everything and letting them chose dresses etc (they have all chosen a different dress and the only thing I ask was for it to be in a colour range). Its people who make bridesmaid pay for things that dont respect the position of MOH or BM! The fact that they are willing to stand up for you is there gift to you….making them pay to be part of it is rude and selfish. But then again I guess you will be having a wishing well and honeymoon registry right…and dont forget the money dance….and while you are at it why not ask guests to chip in for their meals….and dont forget the cash bar!

Being asked to be a bridesmaid can be a burden for people…espeically if asked to contribute to the cost and asked to purchase a specific dress/item….I think you are niave to think otherwise. No matter how well you know friends they may not be able to afford your dream wedding items! and may not be able to tell you for many reasons (fear, shame, embarrasssment etc)

As I said earlier….if you can not afford your dream wedding and do not want to compromise (and asking others to pay for stuff isnt a compromise!) then save save save or loan loan loan or rethink your priorities. It is after all about having family and friends there to witness your love and committment not about the ice sculpture or the canapes or inviting everyone you went to high school with but haven’t seen for 5 years!

j-jaye, take a deep breath… we dont know the exact situation some people are in and thats ok, its not unreasonable to assume someone might have a polar opposite view to you, relax and just keep smiling!

Sorry Kelly-lee but I think you should have directed your comment to others….I open my original post with I disagree (thus giving my opinion which is what the forum is about and what the original poster asked for) and was then attacked about expressing an opinion.