Guests & the bridal party

Hello, I’m new on here and could use your help.

Christmas 2009 I got engaged and we set our bridal party not long after (like within days). I don’t have many female friends so my fiance said to include his cousin as one of my bridesmaids (my MoH is my cousin and my sister is my BM). Within the past year, my partners cousin has been nothing but a right bitch towards me with everything. Bagging me out on facebook, saying things like I’m not suited to teaching, my art sucks (however I have a degree in it am working on a masters in it) not to mention other petty comments.

I feel that my BMs should be of those closest to me and who support me the most. My mother is worried about her being in the bridal party as she doesn’t want to be wiping away my tears caused by her. (Our engagement party had the focus turned to her as she moved to Perth and nobody had seen her in a year. We had no speechs or toasts or anything of that style at our party). My mother also thinks she will still my limelight.

I have included my sister and my brother (his 8 and is going to be my ring boy) but have not included my other brother in anything (my partner has his brothers as his groomsmen). I want to include my brother as a bridesman as I am close to him but also my family is a bit hectic so I will also need him to support me incase of disruptions.

I am wondering how to attack this as this girl is like a “sister” to my partner (so she says and some of his family).

Cheers

talk to your partner and see if he supports you and can see where your coming from, and then maybe sit this girl down and very calmy explain that your sorry but you hadnt thought things through and now you would like to have your brother standing next to you, maybe just to make her happy you could ask her to do a reading or something and talk it up so she still feels like she’s important when really she’s not! try just ignoring all the other crap and staying calm about it all, if this doesnt work then bring out the bitchyness but it will cause more drama and you being the one coming into the family instead of her who has been there forever, your going to come off 2nd best so no attacking right from the start

This girl is only a cousin! What should matter here is having the closet people to you involved in the bridal party and this girl  does not sound close. You need to tell her that you want your brother there and not her. I would never leave my brother out for anyone ever! You need to tell her that this decision was made by yourself, fiance and family, apologise and tell her that your sibblings come first. At the end of the day its your wedding, your decsions and the feelings of your closest family that you may hurt. Better do this sooner rather than later. My brother has never been so excited in his life after I told him he was going to be our groomsmen. After all it’s only once your sister gets married!

Thanks ladies for your replies,

My partner got really annoyed and ticked off after I told him that I called her. I thought I was doing the right thing by telling FMIL what was going on (we get along fine) and she must have mentioned it to FH younger brother (who is a groomsman) and he sent FH a text message saying if “girl” is out then so am I.

FH said by including her it was doing him a favor and that it would mean a lot to him. It was causing a lot of stress and tension between us with it being up in the air so I don’t know. FH also thinks after the first dance that it would look weird with the bridal party dancing together and in photos. She rang him last night and he was talking to her and she said (after he tried to get it out of her) that she was really upset about it all etc etc etc.

Am I starting to be a Bridezilla? I want to include my brother but I don’t know how. Not to mention it now my mother is on my back about BSing her and everything because I said I think so to if he was contributing (dad, FH and I are talking about that this weekend) and the in laws have said they will (need to discuss that too) but she has said nothing about it.

I want to elope but FH said I deserve a wedding. Its too stressful with a split family and it costs alot!

Ok, Why don’t you include your brother as a groomsmen and then get another friend or close relative as a bridesmaid? Weddings are very expensive, so your already spending thousands of dollars, why not spend another couple of hundred and include your brother with another girl?

The reason his cousin was included in the first place was because I have no “girl friends” to include.

Its going to be an intresting journey until November!

mmmm…. it is going to be interesting! Hope it all works out for you. Keep us up to date xx

Next time she writes something horrible about you on FB get upset (but not angry!!! can’t stress that enough, more verge of tears upset) and when your fiance asks what’s wrong show him (don’t tell him) what she wrote don’t say anything just act unusually quite and sad. If he gets annoyed at you just say “lets not talk about it right now, it is what it is” never argue back. It will spin around in his head for around a month or so while he processes that she’s a bitch to you and he will get annoyed at her. Chances are she’ll still be your bridesmaid but there’s a good chance your fiance will smack her into line without  letting you know and she’ll suddenly be alot nicer to you and a little more subdued on your wedding day.

Get your brother to do a reading during the ceremony or make him MC at the reception

Set the rules for her. Tell her when she can grow up and stop posting silly little things on facebook, and genuinely appologize then you might consider it. But the instant she even looks like causing any trouble she will be out of the picture! Or you could just tell you FH to talk to her about these things.

 I set this to my FH about one of his groomsmen, and sure enough he caused trouble before he had even been asked so he is OUT! I’ve also had this talk with my own cousin and she has been great.