Bothered brides

i have a bm who is being a total b**ch and i wonder if i was out of line when i asked the girls to pay for their own dresses. so far she has b**ched about style, color and cost. my wedding is in 16 months, i dont know why she is worried about cost when she has this long to save and pay for a dress. she hasnt even tried anything on yet! and the color is black… slims you down, and looks stunning, and the style is a natural waist, so it flows and doesnt show any imperfections what so ever, im making sure the dresses are not too expensive, aiming for around the 200-250 mark for them. considering what i want, that is cheap. i am paying for everything else they are having, nails, hair, spray tans, jewelry and makeup.. it really pmo when she called me bridezilla and selfish, is it me who is being selfish or her? my other bm’s dont care what i choose, what it costs or anything like that, they are happy to pay for what i choose…. but this bm is stressing me out, and they r not meant to do that, they are meant to make it easier for me, right? what to do? 

What is your relationship with this girl? She doesnt sound like the sort of person you should have as a bridesmaid if she doesnt want to do it.

Weddings can be expensive, and for this person 200 for a dress might be too much for her- which is fine, you cant expect people to come up with money that they cant afford. However, if she isnt happy with the situation she has the right to step down or speak with you about it, but she should be whinging  and complaining.

Sounds like you need to have a chat with her and ask her if she really wants to be a bridesmaid…

Hi Beej

In my opinion a Bridesmaid is someone who stands up for you on your wedding day and not an unpaid servant at the brides beck and call.  No member of the bridal party is required to do anything more than show up on the day.

Historically and etiquette wise a bride (or brides family historically) is supposed to pay for the wedding attendants outfits. Personally we are paying for everything for our attendants (makeup, hair, outfits, jewellery). Especially since we are choosing the styles and colours we would like.

Whilst $200-$250 may not seem a lot of money to you it can be for some people. Especially for a dress that you have no say in! It is also unfair to judge this BM against your other BM’s as everyone has different circumstances. Maybe there is something going on in her life that she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about. Maybe the best move would be to catch up with her and ask how things are going and express your concerns.

It would be polite if you are asking your BM’s to contribute to the cost of their attire to discuss individually with them what they are prepared to pay/can afford.

Also if the dress is such a big issue why not pay for the BM dresses and let the BM’s pay for nails, hair, spray tans, makeup if they choose to have them done. All of those thing probably cost more than the dress and spray tans and nails really aren’t essentials are they?

i see your points, and asking them to pay for 1 thing is not much at all, especially with 16 months to pay for it.

the situations are different, my other 2 bm have families to support and dont live at home, so i think if they can afford to pay for a dress regardless of price, the one without children and living at home can aswell.

like i said, she has 16 months to pay for it. my parents are not paying for anything to do with my wedding, they are not “traditional” and neither are we, i dont see how a dress for 200 can be such a big ask considering thats all she is paying for.

something else is too, she is not happy with anything we have chosen for our wedding at all, NOTHING! 

i see your points, and asking them to pay for 1 thing is not much at all, especially with 16 months to pay for it.

the situations are different, my other 2 bm have families to support and dont live at home, so i think if they can afford to pay for a dress regardless of price, the one without children and living at home can aswell.

like i said, she has 16 months to pay for it. my parents are not paying for anything to do with my wedding, they are not “traditional” and neither are we, i dont see how a dress for 200 can be such a big ask considering thats all she is paying for.

something else is too, she is not happy with anything we have chosen for our wedding at all, NOTHING! 

i see your points, and asking them to pay for 1 thing is not much at all, especially with 16 months to pay for it.

the situations are different, my other 2 bm have families to support and dont live at home, so i think if they can afford to pay for a dress regardless of price, the one without children and living at home can aswell.

like i said, she has 16 months to pay for it. my parents are not paying for anything to do with my wedding, they are not “traditional” and neither are we, i dont see how a dress for 200 can be such a big ask considering thats all she is paying for.

something else is too, she is not happy with anything we have chosen for our wedding at all, NOTHING! 

whos wedding is this, mine or hers? who needs to be happy, me and my fiance or her?

whos wedding is this, mine or hers? who needs to be happy, me and my fiance or her?

Beej,

I don’t know if this will help you but, I have suggested that if it makes things easier that i set up a little acount and if the girls want to put say $10-20 a month into it then the cost will be paid in no time.  I don’t think that is asking too much, the wedding is 11 months away, the dresses are $180 and the girls have agreed that this idea is fine. Then it doesn’t seem like such a sum when it comes time to buy them

goodluck!

thank you springchicken…. thats a great idea…