Bothered brides

i have a bm who is being a total b**ch and i wonder if i was out of line when i asked the girls to pay for their own dresses. so far she has b**ched about style, color and cost. my wedding is in 16 months, i dont know why she is worried about cost when she has this long to save and pay for a dress. she hasnt even tried anything on yet! and the color is black… slims you down, and looks stunning, and the style is a natural waist, so it flows and doesnt show any imperfections what so ever, im making sure the dresses are not too expensive, aiming for around the 200-250 mark for them. considering what i want, that is cheap. i am paying for everything else they are having, nails, hair, spray tans, jewelry and makeup.. it really pmo when she called me bridezilla and selfish, is it me who is being selfish or her? my other bm’s dont care what i choose, what it costs or anything like that, they are happy to pay for what i choose…. but this bm is stressing me out, and they r not meant to do that, they are meant to make it easier for me, right? what to do? 

Talk to her. Tell her that she is stressing you out, and ask her if there is a way that you can help her get past the issue. Then, and only then, if you cant get past it with her, ditch her from your bridal party…

The  final line of the above advice is really bad. It is rude to kick someone out of your bridal party especially for something as trivial as complaining about the cost of a dress. It is a sure fire way to end a fiendship.

Traditionally brides/brides family pay for the dresses. It is only in recent years that brides have been rude enough to ask someone to buy a particular dress for their day. Which is why it is now considered normal. Most people will never wear the dress again no matter what you think. I personally am a traditionalist and am paying for everything for the bridal party.

The correct way to do this was to have asked everyone individually what their budget was for a dress and then find a dress that fits into everyones budget.

Nobody cares more about your wedding than you….and it is not for you to say what is expensive or not for a particualr person.  This BM could be having financial problems but doesn’t want anyone to know.

I would talk to her and probably help pay for the dress. otherwise pick a less expensive dress or let them all choose their own dress in the black.

I like j_jays suggestion to let them pick their own dress. You can give them some guidelines so they are all similar (ie, like colour and length). They can set their own budget to suit their own situation. The real beauty of them selecting their own dresses is that their own personality and style will shine through. Sometimes bms can feel uncomfortable about the dress issue if they dont usually wear the style you select. If you still really want them all in the same dress then maybe take her by herself first and show her what you have in mind. Once she tries things on she might change her tune. Sit down with her after shopping and talk about cost and what she is comfortable spending. If she really cant afford it maybe you can do the ‘loan’ option i read about in another forum. Pay for the dress yourself and lend it to her, letting her know you want it back it perfect condition. If you are the same size you can keep it for yourself, or you can sell it.

I understand where the bridesmaid is coming from… 200-250 is a lot to pay for a dress and even though she has time to save, her finances may not allow it without adding stress. I’m personally paying for all things for my MOH and BM even though it’s a lot of stress of the budget, but it just means a bit more skrimping and saving. I found dresses I loved which were 230 each on sale and I definitely wouldn’t ask them to pay for this even though they are asking how much they owe me for the dress, especially one being a mum of 5 and the other a uni student like myself.

I agree with j_jaye that if you want them to pay for there own and some, like the BM you are talking about isn’t happy with it then maybe giving guidelines (ie. black) and letting them choose their own or helping with the cost would be fair.

I think it’s really poor advice to say ditch her from your bridal party when finances are an issue that makes people stressed and upset and maybe lash out (calling you a bridezilla) and it’s just like ditching your friend for not having enough money.

My sister was in a friends wedding and she paid $250 for her dress she ended up throwing out. That friend is my bm now and has commented to my sister she will NOT be paying for her dress if its too expensive. To which My sister came back to me and told me that if she paid $250 for her dress she hated the this friend will too!

I dont think $250 is a bad price to pay, I was looking at a dress for 375 and decided I would pay the excess. Plus, if they like the dress they keep it, if they dont – they only wore it once and can sell it on ebay

Not like my sister who just threw it in the bin??

At what point was it mentioned that she would have to pay for the dress?  If it was before she accepted the role of BM, then you’re perfectly ok to be upset.  That being said, I think most people expect to pay for their dress if they are a BM these days – mine certainly did, and when I paid for it she said she felt uncomfortable that I was paying!

I would be very insulted to be called a bridezilla too, I think these days people brand any bride to be who knows what they want or otherwise does something they don’t agree with a bridezilla.

At the end of the day, you believe that this person is a good friend, or you wouldn’t have asked her to be there with you on such a special day.  So, just sit down and try to talk to her about it like adults and try to find out why she has such a problem with it (worded nicer obviously).  You can’t solve a problem if you don’t know the cause.