Bothered brides

One of my bridesmaids has just pulled out of the wedding due to her friends wedding on the same day as mine. She has known this friend longer than she has known me. She did not feel like she could be a good bridesmaid. She will now being going to her friends wedding instead. I have told her that I don’t want her to stress over it and to make sure that she enjoys her friends wedding, but at the same time, I now have a bit of a dilemma.

I don’t know what to do. My fiance has three groomsmen and now I only have two bridesmaids. I feel like it would look odd with me having two and him having three. I am not going to ask one of his friends to drop out as that would be rude. I could try to think of someone to fill her spot, but then what about the dress? The dresses have already been purchased, and it would look odd if the bridesmaid and the maid of honour are wearing the same dress and the other bridesmaid is wearing a different dress. It would probably be impossible to get another one of those dresses now and in the right size. I am just glad that the dresses they chose (which just happened to be the same) were very cheap. I have told the other two the situation, and I am now waiting to hear from them. I have asked them if they are ok with getting another dress (which I am happy to pay for). If they do not want to get another dress, I will have to think of a way to make it work with the new bridesmaid (when I can think of someone).

Is anyone able to offer any advice on what to do?

Much appreciated

Liz xox

Do not replace the dropped out bridesmaid. It will make the original bridesmaid feel replacable and it will make the new bridesmaid feel like she wasn’t good enough to make the list to begin with but now that you need to even up the side she will do!

You do not have to have even sides- it will not look weird. Your wedding wont be any less special if you have 2 bridesmaid and he has 3 groomsmen. 

Thanks,

I know that it can come across as if the bridesmaid is replaceable, although I myself was in a wedding where I was asked to replace another bridesmaid, and several other brides have done the same thing. I know that it can make the new bridesmaid feel like you only wanted her because you needed to fill a spot. I am ok with just having the two bridesmaids, but I know how I like things to be symmetrical and it bugs me if it isn’t. Also, I hope that I will be able to change bookings for things, as I have already ordered the bouquets, hair and makeup, etc. I am sure it won’t be a problem to have these orders altered.

I have to admit, it makes my life easier if I do just leave it as the two bridesmaids because I do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Hi EJ2012, I completely understand your problem as I had the same one – one of my bridesmaids (for totally understandable reasons) pulled out of my wedding a few weeks ago – 12 weeks out. We are only having 2 attendants each and I really wanted to have two bridesmaids still.

I asked another friend if she would like to be a bridesmaid (she knew about everything else before hand) and she was so excited. I have also explained to the original bridesmaid that while I understand her reasons and her decision not to come, my choice was to have two bridesmaids and I have asked another friend to join the bridal party – she also was very understanding about this situation.

I’m not asking for advice or opinions on this post – I’ve already made my decision and its all now in the past and plans are in full swing and going really well. I just wanted to put it out there that it is possible – it’s been done many a time before and will happen many a time again, it will not necessarily lead to a total breakdown of friendships and a lot of people are more understanding than we give them credit for.

Auskiwi- unfortunately you cannot dictate what anyone writes on a public forum (unless it goes against the T’s & C’s of the site).

So your basically saying that your vision and/or pictures are more important than friendships? What you have done is used your friend as a prop in your wedding. Sorry but to me that isn’t a very nice thing to do to a friend.

BM’s should be the people that you can’t see yourself getting married without not disposable mannequins.

Hi AusKiwi, I am glad that you have sorted everything out I don’t really have anyone else to ask, and I would just be trying to fill a spot, so I think at the end of the day I will just have an uneven bridal party as they are the ones that I really want there. It would have been great if my other best friend could have been there too, but I understand that it was a very difficult decision for her.

EJ2012 – I’m glad that you’ve come to a decision that makes you happy. At the end of the day thats what it’s all about – you and FH. Good luck with the rest of your planning!

j_jaye – you just couldn’t help yourself could you.

I did not (and will not) give a background story, hence not wanting comments on my post. Not everything is as black-and-white as it seems. By all means – insult me and my choices some more. It makes for a great laugh when I retell it with my gals!

Hi EJ2012

If I were put in the same situation, I have a couple of friends who I would ask. I think if I were in the situation of being asked to be a bridesmaid when the original dropped out, I would be absolutely thrilled that I was going to be part of someones big day. 

The only reason I haven’t asked the other people in my life who I would like to be standing there is because I already have 4 bridesmaids and things would just get a bit ridiculous trying to coordinate everyone. I have got, however, a couple of people (a cousin and a friend) who have just jumped at every opportunity to help (make invites, come to bridal expos with me [I live a couple of hours away from my 4 bridesmaids, so it is handy having a friend close by who I can ask to do this stuff and who offered to do so without me even asking!]). 

However, I would have a look at what your reasons are for wanting to have the 3rd person in the group. As J_Jaye said, is it to have symmetry and nice pictures? If so, I would recommend thinking really hard about this decision. You don’t want to be in a situation where you ask someone to be in the party, and the dynamic of the group goes pear shaped and it becomes more of a bother than anything. 

Good luck with your decision! x

If you don’t want comments on your post Auskiwi/Autumn bride then either give the full story or do not post! .

I was just responding to what you wrote

“We are only having 2 attendants each and I really wanted to have two bridesmaids still.”- AusKiwi

Sorry but to anyone reading that it would make it sound like your “vision” is way more important to you than your friends.

I commented because I actually want to know how you could value even sides/your vision over friends? I am sorry if you found that insulting but I was insulted by the thought that someone could actually do that!

And also so hopefully other readers if they are thinking about replacing a BM might see how this isn’t just about “their vision” but about peoples feelings and at least consider that when making the choice.

Aus_kiwi/Autumn Bride- I am sure being a bridesmaid is a fantastic honour, and if your best friend isnt able to attend and be a part for whatever reason.. i’m sure she wouldnt feel replaced, she would be releived that it didnt stuff everything up for you.

If I was number 3 on your list – and either number one or two dropped out – its a massive honour i could only picture it bringing you closer.

these girls that are offended by being asked – shouldnt say yes, and probably shouldnt have been considered if they can’t be happy for you or even want to be there for you on the day.

the way i will dumb it down is… my partner would pick elle macpherson over me, but he didnt have the option… it doesnt mean he is dissappointed with his decision.

JJ- i understand your point, in my financial situation it is inappropriate to have all the girls i want in my bridal party – especially considering i’d be paying for dresses and shoes and such. so to me the number of bridesmaids is limited.. if one was to drop out i’d be asking someone else that i had to make miss out before. not to fill up the spot but because i want to share the experience with all the people i can!  

i’m not trying to mock, insult or belittle peoples ideals or opinions.. all are valid – and will likely expire.