Guests & the bridal party

I’m having a bit of a drama with my ONLY attendant.

FH and I decided to have our ceremony at the registry office and it’s recently come to my attention that my only bridesmaid is trying to convince us to change it as she thinks it’s “tacky” and apparently only the only people who get married there are having shotgun weddings or weddings that their parents don’t approve of. She maintains that “we will regret it for the rest of our lives” and that we should have it somewhere “nicer”.

While I have been friends with this girl for 15 years, I’m starting to think that maybe she wasn’t the best choice for someone I’m supposed to rely on so heavily to help me through all the stressful wedding planning ahead.  I thought the idea of a bridesmaid (MOH no less) was to support the bride not to tell her that the decisions she and her FH have made are “tacky”.

While she hasn’t proved herself to be completely unreliable yet, she’s a serial offender of lateless for no reason.  Whenever I organise appointments with suppliers she always asks if I’d like her to come (to which I say she’s always welcome).  I thought this was great because she wanted to be involved but recently she had a late night and then the next day pouted constantly until I finally said it didn’t worry me if if she didn’t come. On this occassion it wasn’t a big deal but my worry is that it might escalate to appointments for fittings etc further down the track.

I’m not really sure what to do about this as she’s really getting on my nerves lately and this is not how I imagined planning my wedding with my bridesmaid would be.

Hi Kirty

Unfortunately these are all things you are supposed to consider before choosing a BM. It is unfortunate that she is expressing her opinions so openly about your choice of wedding but you will need to make sure you are prepared for the consequences if you choose to ask her to step down. It may be the end of your friendship.

Another point to take note of is that a bride should never expect an attendant to do anything for her wedding. Of course etiquette wise a BM is supposed to offer their services but this should never be expected or asked for. The BM’s only job is to stand up with you on your wedding day.

I would suggest talking to your BM and clarifying if she still wants to be in the wedding and I would also mention that whilst you value her friendship and she has a right to her opinion you have chosen the style of wedding that is right for you as a couple and that she needs to respect your choice.

Good luck