Gifts & registry

My family (aunts uncles cousins etc) have been asking how much it costs per head for the wedding as they say a gift to the bride and groom should be this amount + ten percent… in my case this would amount to $330 per couple… I think this is a huge amount of money and would never expect anyone to give me a gift (or cash) to this amount as the cost of venue was my choice.  but they keep asking as they say they will want to follow this rule… should i just lie and tell them a cheaper figure or just stay tight lipped. I dont really think its there buisness, a gift should come from the heart right?

That is pretty rude of them to ask but they sound like traditionalists and since back in the days when weddings weren’t big business and everyone pretty much got married at the same few venues no one actually had to ask the cost per head because everyone knew!

It is a very awkward conversation but maybe just let your parents know that they can tell people if they ask but if you are asked directly just say what you feel comfortable with (but don’t lie). Just say its very thoughful of you to want to give us a gift and we will love whatever it is. But if they are anything like my family the will push until someone gives them an answer!

Does your venue have the prices listed on their website? If so maybe send an email around with a link to the venue and say you wanted to share the venues website with everyone in case they had questions, wanted to see it before the wedding (to gauge attire etc) or get directions.

My FSIL sent me a link to her venue when I asked (because I am nosey and planning a wedding too) and that is how I found out the minimum spends per head. I am like your relatives I like to give at least the costs of my plate for a gift.  

That is pretty rude of them to come straight out and ask. Most venues do have function packs on their websites, so if they are that keen to know $ they should be able to find it there. Otherwise an estimate based on the type of venue, sit down vs cocktail reception etc. If that doesn’t help them, maybe tell your parents the rough costs and ask them to discuss this with those particular family members who have asked.

I am also having an expensive wedding due to my venue choice, and wouldn’t expect (and know it won’t happen) people to gift us that amount. I think it is an outdated tradition to essentially ‘pay for yourself’ in gifts. I would prefer people to get us something they know we’d love – whether it costs $200 or $2 afterall it’s the thought that counts.