Bothered brides

Originally for my hen’s party I wanted to have a spa day, however my MOH (my sister) and I decided it would be too expensive for everyone. We decided that it was a better idea to organise something else for the hens and do a pamper day 2 days before the wedding with my mum, sisters and sister in-law. I told her I was happy to organise this, however mum decided to be nice and organise it for me.

The thing is she has organised it that the morning of I drive my grandma, step grandma and my step brother’s girlfriend to the spa in the morning for the 4 of us to get manis and pedis. then she wants us all to meet for lunch as we are driving out of town to get this done. after lunch my mum, 2 sisters (my bridesmaids)and sister in-law are going to stick around at the spa to get there treatments while I dropped my step brother’s gf, and grandmas home. This is because my sisters and mum want spray tans too and my mum thought it would be nice for my sister in-law to get an extra long pedi because she will be 5 months pregnant.

I am upset because the day was meant to be celebrating my wedding with my mum and BMs and it feels like I am just getting slotted in where I fit in. also it is my day so I thought it would have been nice to get a longer treatment too. I am really excited the others are coming too don’t get me wrong. am i being petty? in my family I am the one that just fits in and keeps everyone happy, but for just once I want something to be about me.

well im a bit confused by who’s going to this spa day but none the less.

It seems like its a recreational day for you and a practical day for your mum.

I think you should talk to her and instead of saying ‘it should be about me’.   say that it should be about you celebrating with your close family, and that you should all have the experience together not in shifts, the day should be enjoyable for you not full of the stress of driving around.

I dont think its unreasonable for you to tell her how you feel, and if it comes to it you may need a place that can host a bigger party at the same time – or they just get a spray tan in the evening?

either way, dont just let it go. address the situation other wise you probably wont enjoy the whole day.

Thanks so much little_piggy. You hit the nail on the head. I really wanted the day to be a bonding day with my BMs and mum, however the way my mum has set it up they’ll get the bonding time together and I’ll miss out.

I was worried I was being petty and therefore didn’t want to raise the issue with my mum when she had gone to the effort of organising it. However, I think I might have a chat to her.

Thanks again

happy to help,

i think its great your mum is organising it for you, i guess let her know what you want.. it might help her out to know exactly how you want the day to run, after all its to celebrate you, and the relationships you have with the people going!

Good luck with it, let us know how it goes

Yeah that is the hard part, I feel so guility because my mum has gone to the effort to organise it. However, it seems to defeat the purpose if I can’t spend time with the people I wanted there in the first place.

Not looking forward to talking to her as I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but it needs to be done I think.

Thanks again and good luck with your wedding.

Hi Adriana,

You need to speak up, people wont know you feel this way if you don’t say something. I can understand how you feel because I have a similar role in my family, I am the one that just does what I am told and never complains or argues…..until it came to my wedding, all my siblings and FSIL (including my brothers) have all seen fit to tell me how to have my day, but I have put my foot down. You need to do the same thing.

Don’t throw a tantrum, just sit down over coffee with your Mum and tell her how you feel, say to her that you really want a chance to have a girly bond day with your sisters and her and that you feel like you wont get that because you have to do all the running around, she probably hasn’t realised it bothers you, because like me you probably haven’t let them see that it bothers you, jsut be honest

Thank you Miss Lydia. You are so right. I spoke to my mum about a week ago and she could see where I was coming from. She was just trying to keep my sisters happy as they refused to have their treatments in the morning because they didn’t want to go to lunch after a spray tan. I have organised to have a manicure in the morning and a pedicure in the afternoon so I get to spend time with everyone, and my lovely FH is going to drive my grandmas home.

I completely understand what you mean. I am the elderest of 6 and the one always trying to keep the peace. Through this I have gone without for most of my life for others and not created waves. However, this is mine and my FH wedding not their’s so I won’t let them push me around and be second to their needs. I have paid for everything for my sisters (my BMs) except for their hair and make-up. I have let them choose the dress and everything as long as it was coral or peach and then I paid for them. I have told them they can have their hair however they want as long as it is not the same as I am having mine. My youngest sister has told me she is having her hair the same as mine because that is the way she likes it. This is just an example of the silly things they are stressing me out about and making me feel like I am a bridezilla.

Families act so strange around weddings I think.

Thanks again for your advice.

Sorry I spelt your name wrong