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This topic contains 8 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  Viv13 4 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #220023

    I have just turned 19 and my boyfriend is soon to be twenty. We have been together for two years this month and everything is going great. I suggested to him the idea of getting engaged as I am pretty certain he is the one (And by pretty certain, I mean completely 1 Billion percent sure) He thinks its too soon and that we’re too young to get engaged. What do you think? He has said he doesn’t want to discuss it any further but I’m not ready to give up on the subject? What should I do??

    #227885

    Mickyaela
    Member

    I think you are still quite young, it’s not to say it wouldn’t work but if he’s not keen there is no way you will be able to change his mind. And would you want to? I think when you get engaged it should be because both you and your partner really, really want to marry each other, not because one of you bullies (for lack of a better word!) the other into it when they really don’t want to. I think you should do your best to put it to the back of your mind and not dwell on it, if it’s meant to be it will happen when the time is right! Hope this helps :)

    #227891

    Elise
    Member

    Hey Louise :)

     

    I don’t think anyone could say for sure that you are or are not too young. I mean, your age used to be the expected age to marry, and most of those marriages were fine! 

    I would base your decision more on whether or not you are in a financial position to marry. Weddings cost a helluva a lot, and then there’s moving house and paying rent and all that stuff that they don’t mention in wedding magazines. Do you both have clear career paths? Do you know where you would live? Do you have future plans that work together?

     

    I think the most important factor of all though is that you both have to feel ready. And if your boyfriend doesn’t feel ready now, don’t pressure him. If you kept persisting with him and he gave in and did propose, would you always wonder whether he really wanted to? His not feeling ready doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, and it doesn’t mean he’s not committed to you. For now, you love each other, and that’s freakin’ awesome.

    #227917

    Even if we did get engaged I wouldn’t be planning ong etting marreid for a few years, he’s buying a house this that we are going to live in so im not [planning  on getting marreid for a few years yet, but still itd be nice to know that he and i will be one day man and wife. and yes we have career paths, he has jsut finished and appreticeship and i am part way through uni.

    #228009

    katherinel
    Member

    We were in our early twenties when we met and were together 10 years (to the day!) before we got engaged…. a bit longer than I’d have liked, but we have a great life together and to me that was always more important than the ‘title’

    We’d discussed it a few times but with lots going on in our lives he didn’t feel quite ready for engagement/marriage…. the wait was worth it, because even though we’d been together 10 years – him asking me – when he was absolutely sure and ready – was the best thing ever! I know he asked me becasue he loves me and not becasue I nagged him into it.

    Be patient and enjoy all the adventures along the way. If it’s meant to be it will be and you’ll enjoy it even more when he’s ready too!

    #228139

    Bec87
    Member

    My advice – dont push the issue yet or you may just push him away. You both may be in the same place emotionally but if he isnt ready now then let it go for a while. I dont think you are too young, but age isnt the issue here. It may be that he is just saying you are too young. If you feel really strongly about it then maybe bring the subject up when you are both relaxed, not after work/uni when you are tired. Tell him how you feel about him and ask him how he feels about you. Ask him why he isnt ready. If he wont give you any other answer then drop it. I kept on at my now fiance for about 6 months and he kept knocking me back. I gave up and about 7 months later he proposed.

    Just dint oush the issue and you may just be suprised! 

    #228195

    it’s hard to say. if you absolutely know he’s ‘the one’ and that you want to spend the rest of your life with him, what’s the rush? I don’t see anything wrong with moving in together and travelling the world before settling down.

    I know I’m a completely different person to the one I was when I was 19. I’ve changed in so many ways and am grateful that I some life experience under my belt before I got engaged. I know that sounds patronising but I don’t mean to be. 

    I also know you say you’re a billion per cent sure, but I felt exactly the same way about a few of my ex-boyfriends in my 20s and then the relationships got thrown some huge curve balls that we didn’t anticipate. you live, you learn.

    I say both save your pennies and go travelling together. you’ll have some amazing experiences and perhaps it’ll give him some new perspective on the whole issue. just enjoy being together for now. please trust me when I say that if you continue to push the subject with him when he doesn’t want to discuss it you’ll just look needy and desperate and possibly end up pushing him away. do you really want to push him into marriage anyway?

    #229043

    VintageB
    Member

    I totally agree with Bec87.  It may be that he is saying you’re both too young as an excuse to not be able to tell you he’s not totally ready for it and he doesn’t want to freak you out or cause drama.

    There is no too young or too old, but you both have to agree that it’s the right time for it to work.  I’ve heard of girls pressuring their partner in to proposing and even giving them an ultimatem.  What the?! Why would you want someone to marry you if their not ready?! It’s the most selfish thing I’ve heard and doomed for failure.

    I said to my fiance “I want to get married one day, when I do get married I want to marry you, when you feel the same, you know I’ll say yes, until that time comes I’m happy living our life together!”

    Literally hrmmmm I think it was 3 months later he proposed?

    I don’t think it’s about getting what you want and changing their minds, it’s about letting them know how you feel and trusting when they feel the same way they will do it.

    :) I think so anyways.

    #229239

    Viv13
    Member

    i can see where your coming from, ill be getting married 2 months after my 21st, which is also the day after our 5 year anniversary, withing the first year of being together i fell pregnant and i had mentioned to him that our son would have my last name unless we got engaged, but we decided we didnt want to get married or engaged just because we were having a baby together, we were still pretty young (17 and 19) when our son was born, but we just worked as a couple, then we got engaged after we moved in together, again we didnt want to move in together just because we had a baby, we wanted  to be ready to live with eachother, since then we had a little girl (page boy and flower girl, PERFECT) and it was only when our daughter was born that i decided i wanted our family to have the same last name so we spoke about it and even tho we are renting we decided to have a low budget but elegant wedding, and since im home with the kids im DIYing everything! so dont let your age get in the way, but dont force it becuase you might freak him out and push him away and that would be the worst thing you can do

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